by Mark Hart

Created on: December 08, 2008   Last Updated: October 12, 2010

Women and men have children; boys and girls have babies. If this distinction seems trivial, please avoid unprotected sex until it makes sense. What is the difference? Maturity! One of the greatest experiences a couple can ever know is parenthood. Conversely, one of the greatest tragedies a child can ever know is parental strife and rancor in the home. Life is difficult enough on its own without bringing children into a strained, immature, relationship. So, before becoming a parent, a little "soul searching" is definitely in order.

One of the first considerations about becoming a parent is to ask yourself, Am I the kind of person I want my child to become? Would you be happy to see your child turn out just like you or would you rather your child has a completely different orientation toward life? Everyone has bad habits and personality quirks they would not want to pass on to their child, but the truth is that many of your traits (good and bad) will eventually be observed, imitated and adopted into the psyche of your child as he or she grows and develops. So, if you cannot see yourself making positive changes and progress in your personal growth, do not expect your child to turn out any better. There is much truth in the saying that the apple doesn't usually fall far from the tree.

Related to the above consideration is this question: Is my partner the kind of person I want my child to become?

This evaluation can be tricky for younger couples who are typically at their very best in new relationships and sometimes ignore negative character traits in a potential partner-in-parenting. Love may be blind but parenthood is a real eye-opener that will surprise even the most cautious couples, so (if only for the child's sake) take time to really get to know each other before contemplating or risking parenthood.

A second consideration before bringing a new life into your home is whether or not you are ready to support a child emotionally and physically, not just financially. One of the biggest surprises all new parents discover is how their little angel is also capable of being the most self-centered, self-absorbed, demanding little tyrant one could possibly imagine! In other words, if you expect your child to love you or fill some emotional hole in your heart from your own childhood, forget it! Children (especially infants) are by nature selfish and demanding, and have no consideration for our needs, our wants and our schedules as parents.

If anything teaches us how

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