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Most girls dream of their perfect wedding from the age of six, when it's all about the dress and make-up, to the age of sixteen, when it's all about the boy, to the day of their wedding, when it's all about the dress, the make-up, the boy, and so much more. And a crucial aspect of it is the maid of honor. It's so much more than giving that toast, throwing that shower, giving that racy bachelorette party. It's about helping make that wedding everything the bride dreamt from childhood.

As a four wedding veteran, two of which I was the maid of honor, I can say that the most important duty was to be supportive. It sounds so trite, but the truth is the bride NEEDS her maid of honor to be just as excited about every aspect of the wedding as she is. And although this is harder when you aren't physically there most of the time, there are several ways in which to show your support, your excitement, and your interest.

First, don't wait for the bride to call you about wedding details, call her! Ask about the colors, her shoes, her thoughts about Ivory vs. True White vs. Champagne for her dress. Even if it all sounds absurd to you, it isn't to her! She needs to know that when she feels overwhelmed about something, you will be only a call away to advise her on the benefits of buffets vs. servers, as well as provide well-timed jokes about eloping.

Second, depending on how far away you live, if the bride asks you to come with her to find her dress, make every effort to do so! It can be cost-prohibitive, but you won't regret it. For the last wedding in which I was maid of honor, I had to fly in for the dress search, and it was such a special day for me! To be able to see a friend whom you love find THE dress in which she is going to marry THE guy is such a great opportunity. However, it isn't always possible. In another wedding I wasn't able to make it to dress day, but had the other bridesmaid that went take photos on her camera-phone and send them the whole time. Then before they made a decision, they called and we consulted. It still made me feel included, and made the bride feel as though I cared.

Third, remain calm. All the duties that seem to be regulated to the maid of honor can get overwhelming. But in the face of an anxious bride, the last thing you should do is stress. Remind yourself that when you actually see the bride walking down the aisle, she isn't thinking that the bachelorette party was disappointing because the county-line-dancing-bar you found online was actually kind of creepy in person, or that the wedding shower was lame because half the invitations were returned for insufficient postage and so only half the people came. Trust me. She's just glad you get to share in her day.

Learn more about this author, Tamara Woodbridge.
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