by D. Victor

Created on: December 07, 2008   Last Updated: January 25, 2009

The idea that men and women can't be "just friends" implies that they might be "friends with benefits". It also implies that one, the other, or both would have a covert attraction. It is true that some friendships between men and women have sexual overtones or feelings of attraction. However, this is certainly not the whole truth.Consider that being "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex is something that we either can or cannot do. Logic and social reality suggests that it is something that we can do. There are actually several bases for platonic relationships between men and women.

Homosexuality

The idea that men and women cannot be friends is premised on heterosexual attraction. Clearly, the diversity of sexual orientation belies that premise. Some women actually prefer to have gay males as friends because they offer a male perspective without lusting. However, this does not imply that heterosexual males and females cannot be "just friends".

Lack of attraction

Not all heterosexual males and females would be attracted to each other. They may like an aspect of the other person in a brotherly or sisterly way as a result. In the same way there can be a mutual attraction, there can be mutual non-attraction. Some detractors may argue that this could develop into attraction.

It is true that there are different levels of attraction. With a low level of attraction, other factors can develop a "more-than friendly" relationship. Even so, there can be an absence of attraction beyond the platonic level where heterosexual male or female friends are concerned.

The basis of the friendship

The pillars of a particular friendship can be critical in determining if it remains platonic. Friendships that are implicitly based on some level of physical attraction aren't likely to be "just friendly". However, if there is an emotional or intellectual relationship premise, remaining friendly would not really be a task.

History of the relationship

The status of a friendship between a man and woman can also depend on their history with each other. If they were once intimate, there exists some carnal knowledge between them. Does this mean that they cannot just be friends? Not so, but the situation would have to be carefully managed and the relationship would have had to experience a paradigm shift.

Fidelity and mental conditioning

Some folks are just more grounded than others. Fidelity is a manifestation of mental conditioning. So, even if we are married or in an intimate relationship, we can just be friends with others. That's because we program our mind to control our instincts. This is what separates us from animals after all. If we do not apply this type of conditioning, then the "just friends" status could evaporate at any moment. Certain things might "just happen" or we may keep on with the force.

The fact is that men and women, even heterosexuals, can be "just friends". In many instances, friendships develop into much more. We may be inclined to believe that this suggests that male and female friendships always have an undercurrent.

After all, how many of us haven't thought about the possibility of the friendship progressing? Whether you discard the notion quickly or not, it doesn't mean that you aren't "just friends" because your mind considered a possibility. To do so is natural and acceptable. Certainly, there are many things that men and women cannot do. Being "just friends" isn't one of them.

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