There is something to seeing your kid coming up to bat. Seeing them jump up and down warming their legs before stepping on the soccer pitch. Seeing them get set in position ready to explode off the stand by the pool or the starting line on the track. It is a special feeling of anxiousness, fear, excitement, joy and tension all rolled into one. There is quite a different feeling when that same parent wants to take their support to the next step.
There will always be fathers who want to coach. Mothers who believe they have a better strategy or game plan. But unless they are wearing the whistle and have dedicated themselves to the concept of team and fairness, they can cause a lot of trouble and derisiveness otherwise. I am going to outline 10 of the problems and traps most parents fall into with youth in sports:
The problems:
1. Trying to live through their children. ~ The past will always be the past. But the future belongs to the youth. It is one thing dusting off the old trophy case and reliving the would have beens/could have beens, there is another trying to incorporate your "celebrated" career into theirs. They follow the adage, the older I get the better I was. Let it go!
2. The stress of driving kids to practices and games and believing officials and other parents are undermining your sacrifices. ~Most parents are going through the same thing, if they seem to be at ease with the process, they have either planned it out better or they have lessened its priority to their lives. They are obviously not bleeding for the sport.
3. The costs involved. ~ Sports, gymnastics, dance are all expensive. Most parents want the most bang from their bucks and demand that participation equivocates into the costs involved.
4. Treating the sport as something personal instead of just being a game. ~ Some parents use the sport their child plays as a grudge match against a foe, another parent, the child or even themselves. Again, let it go!
5. Parents seeking scholarship opportunities through the child's participation in sport. ~ Parents seeking payback for the time involved, sometimes disregarding the talent involved.
6. Long held grudges when a player from the same or opposing team is seen to get better privileges. ~ Animosity is best buried deep.
7. Coaches who do not dictate what parental participation entails. ~ Most difficulties can be offset with a phone call, a newsletter or an email stating the obvious. Leagues should help with all of this.
8. Parents who do not take for consideration their child's best interests. ~ If Johnny never played First Base in the awkward minor minor leagues and all the other leagues leading up to a high school try out, don't build up false hopes that Johnny will be starting First baseman or on the team at all.
9. Parents of divorce who use the games as a way of showing their child as a way of being the more supportive one. ~Scheduling problems are a mess in the divorce game. Participating in sports should be a positive to all participents, esopecially the child seeking an end to conflict.
10. When the game becomes a matter of life or death. ~ It is just a game, trophy or otherwise. Games are won or lost. Character lasts forever.
It has gotten so bad at some baseball, basketball, soccer and hockey games that parents have even been penalized from being allowed to attend games! I see a three strike rule as the best way to find some resolution to conflict:
Strike One: Disruptive parent is put on report to the league and disallowed to come to one game.
Strike Two: Disruptive parent is put on report and must forfeit attendance for a full season.
Strike Three: Disruptive parent is put on report and child/children not allowed in the league again.
Note: Any physical violence leads immediately to Strike 3.
When setting an example for the kids I say,
"Parents! Watch the game. Cheer. Praise. Go home!"