by Scott Allison

Created on: December 06, 2008

What kind of day you're going to have, I believe, is determined by the first fiften minutes of being awake. Did you wake up with a pulse? Okay, you've got the most important part beat. Now comes the hard part, putting your feet to the floor. I'd suggest taking this step slowly as it can be the most dangerous part of the day. With the sleep still in your eyes you never know what could happen. And it usually does. You put your feet to the floor and step in a land mine your wifes poodle left for you. Now you're left with a choice to make. If you don't go to the kitchen and start the coffee maker you're not going to have coffee when you get out of the shower. On the other hand you need to get in the shower because Poopsy the poodle lived up to her name sometime during the night. Okay, take a deep breath and tell yourself you can walk on your toes to the kitchen, start the coffee and make it to the bathroom for your shower. Have you ever stubbed your big toe while attempting to walk on your toes? You have now. Unfortunately the throbbing toe is on the "clean" foot. So you're hopping around the carpeted dining room floor, leaving little Poopsy poop footprints all the way to the coffee maker. A quick click of the on button and you limp your way back towards the bathroom. A quick glance in the mirror shows the agrivation of the morning so far and you've only been awake some five minutes. After a refreshing shower, though, you start feeling better and grab the old toothbrush for a good tooth swabbing. Pay close attention to what you're doing. Nope, that's not going to happen. You're brushing your teeth with Preperation H. There are two sides to this delema. On one side, well, you're brushing your teeth with something that isn't supposed to go in the talking end. On the plus side, though, you're teeth don't itch anymore. Okay, you've played around enough for one morning. You need to get dressed, drink some coffee and get started off to work. Here's the perfect part of anyone's morning. That first taste of coffee, a hot cup of joe, some caffeine to stimlulate the brain cells for a pleasant day at the office. That's when you hear your wife's voice coming from the bedroom. "Well, good morning, my little Poopsy Woopsy Oopsy. How's my litte puppy wuppy uppy. Jump up here and give Mommy a little kissy wissy issy on this beautiful Saturday morning?" You resist the urge to slit your wrists with a butter knife for two reasons. You hate that doggy talk and you don't work on Saturday.

And you accomplished all of that during the first fifteen minutes. Now have a good day.

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