by Jan Wognnugh

Created on: December 06, 2008

REFLECT

Before you are able to tell people that their behavior is unacceptable to you, you need to reflect on the following; what is the real purpose of you wanting to tell the person that you have deemed their behavior unacceptable? Are you doing it to make them look bad? To make yourself look like you are superior to them and have higher moral values? Or are you doing so with the sincere intent of wanting them to realize and then hopefully change their behavior for the better? Consider again that before you make a judgement at another party and condemn his behavior as being unacceptable, think about whether you are truly in a position to make such a judgement about someone else. Are you significantly much better than the other person and always on your absolute best behavior? Well, assuming that you are doing so because you sincerely want to help a friend, move along to the next step.

DEFINE

What do you define as behavior that is unacceptable to you? Is it a social grace that is not being observed? Is it because some one is acting obnoxious in your presence? Or worse still directing that obnoxiousness and bad behavior at you? The first step in determining what and how to tell people that their behavior is unacceptable is to define what is it exactly that you are taking offence with.

IDENTIFY

Next, you would need to identify the effects of his or her bad behavior and what is it causing to the people around them. Are they putting themselves and other people in harm's way or unnecessary risk? Or are they simply making a nuisance of themselves disrupting the general peace? Or perhaps their bad behavior isn't all noisy and kid like tantrums, but more detrimental to the social and moral fabric within the organization - for instance, a colleague who has a fondness for blatant lying and getting away with it.

CONSIDER

Now, you have to seriously consider the following points before going ahead and telling the person that their behavior is unacceptable to you:

1) Are you in a position to advise or are you in a position to tell the person off about their unacceptable behavior

2) Are you on a moral high ground where you can bring this up to the person without having your own disgraceful behavior (which you hopefully have none of) being drawn into the subsequent debate / argument

3) Do you really believe that the receiving party of your telling off or advice will take it positively and not make it a trigger point for physical harm or assault?

SAY IT

Now, here comes the toughest part

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