by Paul Elam

Created on: December 06, 2008   Last Updated: October 22, 2010

I was asked recently what I wanted from a woman when it comes to a relationship. I almost immediately gave a typical knee-jerk answer that would have more closely resembled a profile on a dating site than the truth.

Sure, I want someone to share my interests and goals, and walks on the beach and candlelit dinners are just peachy. But that tells you nothing of what I really want. It's just fluff, packaged to sell.

I should say to begin with that I want nothing I am not prepared to give. My standards are high, but I am not a hypocrite. I should also say that the things I want are things for which I have long since lost my flexibility to live without.

What I want more than anything else is peace.

Peace!

I want to spend the majority of everyday life as close to serenity as possible. Life in general makes that enough of a challenge before you throw in the wants and needs of another person. So call me crazy, but I'd like a partner that shares my desire for peace, even if we are polar opposites in every other way imaginable. I am not so rigid as to expect perfection, but I am ambitious enough to shoot for it anyway. And I can think of no better place to inspire a real partnership than where the common peace is the common goal.

I want to save my worries and fears for life's real problems, like illness, financial security, work and the lot. I won't be bothered to stress over minor differences in a relationship that can be settled by two fair thinking and mature adults in a few seconds with a small dose of effort and humility. In fact, I can think of no greater waste of time than two brats clawing at each other over whether to cook or go out, or what music to listen to in the car.

I want the peace that results from each person knowing that the other one has their back, even when in conflict with each other. That means nobody gets their way all the time, and more importantly it means nobody wants to. It means no one has everything revolve around them and their wishes to the exclusion of the other. If commitment and exclusivity is only a battleground in which both parties struggle to get their way, then I am not up for it and hope never to be.

That means I have little use for the princess or anyone else not mature enough to give fairness and reciprocity to a relationship. A lack of fairness is always a lack of peace, and fairy tales are seldom fair. The princess is a nice fantasy, but it is the stuff of childhood, not a wholesome ambition for a grown woman. And nothing

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