by Scott Hayden

Created on: December 06, 2008   Last Updated: May 12, 2012

For shy individuals starting a conversation will be one of the most difficult tasks they could ever face. I was like this once, and the fear of babbling and saying something nonsensical was so strong it prevented me from making any lasting friendships until well after high school. But things have changed because I've learned, through trial and error of course, how to gain somebody's attention, keep it, and continue a conversation. Always remember to smile. You will look friendly and inviting.

If you see somebody at a party you'd like to talk to, but your mind is blank, don't worry. Focusing on the fact that you've got nothing to say will make you tense. So, relax and start small. You can start with something regular like the weather. This topic may be overused and boring but if something really big has happened, like a tornado/hurricane/blizzard then you can discuss that for a few minutes.

Offering a compliment really works when trying to start a conversation. Play it safe and go with something they are wearing, like their shirt, trousers or shoes. Don't say something like "I like your shoes," because that doesn't take the conversation anywhere. They will respond with "thank you," then it will be all over. Ask questions about where they bought these items. People love to talk about themselves, and will do so as long as you ask open ended questions.

Once the ice has been broken and you're moving on to other things it helps to be well informed about current events. If you know what's going in the world making a conversation will be more enjoyable. You will appear interested, and interesting. What better way to make friends is there? Avoid sensitive topics like politics and religion. These will divide people and it's going against the point of being at a party in the first place, which is to bring people together. Besides, you have no idea how you new friend might view these issues. If you blow it by expressing some extreme opinions, you'll scare him/her away.

Assess the body language of others when deciding to join a conversation already in progress. If they are standing or sitting in a sort of casual circle, try to nudge your way in. At first you should stay silent so you can figure out what they are talking about. When there's a short pause you can chime in, as long as your comment is relevant. On the other hand, if you see two or more people standing closely together and talking in hushed tones it's probably better to steer clear of them.

The art of making a great conversation is dependent upon being a good listener. Nod, say things like "I see," and "That's interesting." This will give the other person the impression that you really are paying attention. Agreeing or disagreeing with everything will stop a conversation dead in its tracks, so consider your answers carefully. When it's over, and all conversations will end at some point, smile and mention it was nice chatting with them. Ending on a positive note will make them want to seek you out again in the future!

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