by Carmela Mulroe

Created on: December 06, 2008

Something borrowed, something old, something new and something blue. Some traditions die hard. Yet a nuptial tradition frequently being challengedis the 'sex' of one's maid of honor or best (wo)man. In an era of mixed sex friendships this phenomenon of opposite sex attendants is becoming more common. In a recent wedding ettiquite advice column a woman asks:

" My best friend is getting married. He has asked me to be the "best man," the problem is that I'm am not a man! Is this okay? He and the bride agreed before he asked me. It's fine with her and I feel very honored but I don't want to break any "rules"! What do you think? "

Bridal Consultant, Rhonda Allen, insists that no rules are being broken and that the friend's title could be 'honor attendant' or 'best woman'.

Though the title and gender may change, the roles and duties remain the same. Or do they?

As prescribed by the www.frugalbride.com a best man's duties may include but are not limited to:

-Plan and pay for bachelor party w/groomsmen.

-Rent and pay for a tux, and go for fittings.

-Attend rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

-Help bring and boxes to ceremony and reception location.

-Help the groom dress and make sure he gets to the church on time.

-Keeps the bride's wedding ring until the ring exchange. You may be asked to hold both rings or none at all if the ring bearer has them.

-Sign the marriage license.

-The couple will give you a sealed envelope with the officiant's or church's fee in it. You will give this the priest/officiant before the ceremony.

-Sit to the groom's left at the reception.

-Dances with the maid of honour.
-

Make a first toast to the bride and groom. This is usually done before dinner but in some cases right after.

-Arranges transportation or personally drives the bride and groom to the hotel or the airport.

-Collects and returns all formal wear rentals on time.

-Help maid of honour bring gifts to the bride and groom's house.

Even in our era of liberation and blurred lines, we are forced to look at this list and make concessions to when some of these duties may not be deemed most appropriate or at least in need of modifications.

"Plan and pay for the bachelor party with the groomsmen." Depending on what the gentlemen have in mind, the best woman may decide to plan from afar and choose not to be the main attraction jumping out from the cake.

"Help the groom dress and make sure he gets to the church on time." Certainly the best woman can be the taskmaster to assure that the groom assumes his post at the altar in a timely fashion. Yet the future bride might not appreciate another woman viewing the wedding boxers before she does.

"Dances with the maid of honor" This may or may not work depending on the nature of the song or dance. If 'Lady in Red' doesn't do it for her, there is always the hokey pokey or the chicken dance.

Regardless of these small issues,male or female, the couple should always choose attendants who share strong bonds of friendship, persons with whom they want along for the journey, and those who will encourage and support the vows they are about to take. For what matters most is that they live happily ever after.

Learn more about this author, Carmela Mulroe.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.