by Mindee Bocangel

Created on: December 06, 2008

Marriage is a traditional relationship. It is one version of a relationship. Conflict in marriage is challenging. Breaking up is hard to do. Contracts are in both names. Children are involved. Friends and family can only do so much. You see your partner, your opponent. The fight or flight syndrome wells up inside. The disagreement is on the table. No one can really understand what you are going through. And you especially feel distant from the one whom you said you love. Solution? Counseling. At least for yourself. At least if you have a past with unresolved issues. Who dsoesn't ?

Imagine a place where you can go and face your own demons and be safe and unharmed. The relief sets in. You can carry yourself a little lighter than usual. Old issues can be readdressed in the state of maturity you are currently in. Past issues can wrap themselves around your current issues in unforseen ways. Likely, if you are in battle with your significant other, you are in battle with yourself.

For a woman who stays at home and carries on or for a man who wanders and stays away from home or for whatever your case may be. Should you start wishing to call old flames, look on the internet or even stare a little too hard at the coffee shop. These signs point to wishful thinkng that if only things can be different. Don't give up, if you beileve that at one point you two had a special thing going, it is still there. But, it may be time to evolve.

This is not a call to make or break the relationship. That should be your choice. But the idea is to find a way to take care of yourself. If you are in conflict with your loved ones, you are in conflict with yourself. The first change in your relationship should start with a change that you make in yourself.

More over, giving another person the benefit of the doubt can be helpful sometimes. Taking abuse is not ok. But looking for an end to it, or a step away from it is ok. People tend to hope that those who are harmed are not being harmed intentionally. Probably, if one person is hurting another, then the instigator is hurting for some reason inside. These pains from the past can truly etch their way in to the hearts and souls of even the best of us.

Sometimes we make mistakes. What if you dropped a dish and it broke? What if one of the kids did? Would you get just as mad, or just as understanding in both moments? It is true that people slip up and punish and ridicule in ways they would not want for themselves. But don't get so caught up in it.

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