14 of 15

Write now Article Tools

This question requires a lot of tact especially when it involves a person that you may not know very well. Diplomacy is key here. If the behavior is totally out of character for that person and you know them well enough and feel comfortable doing so, then you should call them out on it, but privately. You do not want to humiliate anyone in front of others. Otherwise they would never forgive you in a million years. But someone that you do not know well, and its a question of atrocious table manners, be a model of civility for them and being on your own proper behavior and ignore it as best you can. Boors tend to get that way over time, mostly likely from their upbringing. Let's not be a hypocrite though, make sure that your manners are impeccable before criticizing anyone else's manners. To do this would be far more boorish behavior. A lot of some people's behavior can be safely overlooked: such as a teen's eyeroll, or a child's figeting in their seat, forgetting please and thank you, but reaching over another person for something on the table is terribly bad manners and one should ask the person if you may pass the item to them would be a better approach than to be even ruder than to loudly say " must you reach over the table?" A dinner party only lasts so long and surely it will be over soon and then you can relax in your comfortable home and not worry about anything else. Pray that next time you throw a dinner party the boor will have improved his or her manners in the meantime. If not confident about this, then discreetly give them a small present at the next holiday a book of Emily Post's Etiquette for Every Occasion or a similar book as a hint. Then, pray that they actually read it and learn the correct way of behaving. Some people, no matter how hard you try, will never change their boorish ways but at least you can be sure that you have done the very best that you can to help them to see the error of their ways. Basically, of how to tell a person that their behavior is boorish must be done with tact, away from other people, model appropriate behavior yourself and a lot of prayer that they will take the hints dropped. The best gift that anyone can give are instructional books on any subject, but if their manners are not the best, then a book on etiquette is a perfect gift. Either this or a set of nice linen napkins or perhaps arranging time with an image consultant to improve their image can be the most precious gift of all. Or in the case of totally clueless, perhaps a day or two at a charm school just might be the ticket, check the local yellow pages for teacher or advertise a need for someone well versed in the finer points of manners and deportment to teach the person in question one to one basis and pay for their time and gasoline to travel there and return home. There will always be people who act embarrassing at dinner parties and other functions, but they can change their behavior if called on it in a reasonable and tactful way and offered help in this area from a professional. This is all one can reasonably do in this situation.

Learn more about this author, Jennifer Foster.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about How to tell people their behavior is unacceptable to you?
We want to hear your view. Write now!