by Dan Keizer

Created on: December 05, 2008

Dealing with your ex is always going to be rough. It can seem like every little issue has to be nitpicked, and arguments can arise even when the two of you agree about something. Mom may not want to let the kids see dad now that he lives with a drunken slut. The husband is threatening to burn down the house rather than let the ex live in it with her new BF. Here's a few ground rules that will help deal with the acrimony if you stick to them.

Step one of not fanning the flames in these issues is: Don't bring your new mate into it. A lot of people want a wingman when they go into a situation where there's sure to be a conflict. The ex wife might feel like her former abusive husband will behave if she has her new guy watching on. Don't do it. A former spouse is going to get angry when they see their replacement and its going to make the situation worse. Bring a friend or your mom or something, and don't bring a drama queen along that's going to get you more worked up.

Another thing you don't want to do is get overemotional. You can't discuss visitation schedules in an objective manner if your mind is on keying somebody's car. Nobody is going to be in the mood to return your dead aunt's baby grand piano if you are screaming at them. Go to these meetings with business on your mind, you've got to walk in there like the Terminator, dead to emotions.

Another thing to remember is that you have to let the little things go. Whatever the reason may be, spite, malice, cruelty, belligerent retardedness, your ex is going to want some things their way. If it's something that you can live without just give the baby his bottle and get over it. Hubby wants custody of the dog? It's a dog. You go down to the shelter and get another, there's so many dogs out there they have to put the extras to sleep. Of course if it's something you're not willing to let go of....

Go to court. Court has this stigma in our society of being a mean place for mean people. Actually, it's a tool for people to use when they don't agree with each other. It's pretty easy. You tell the judge what your side is, the ex tells him their deal and the judge figures out who's right or finds a middle ground. Then the next time you're parked outside your ex's new condo and the kids aren't being allowed out, you show the court order to the police and baby mama can try arguing with them. The court is your friend, don't be scared of it.

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