by Danielle Dusold

Created on: December 05, 2008

I once told someone "I'm going to hell, who's coming with me!?" in response to them telling me that because I believed in evolution I was going to hell. Now I really never thought that believing evolution over creation was a one way ticket to hell, I mean realistically, does that really rank up there with all of the other reasons why I probably will end up in hell?

People tell me that I'm nice and fun to be around. Little do they know that the smile on my face is there because of something idiotic they did or how they look. I don't look like a supermodel by any means, and I'm sure people have gotten a few good laughs at my expense, but honestly, if you have to buy a tube top in the plus size section, you shouldn't wear it unless you want me secretly making up nicknames that relate to large aquatic mammals about you. Step away from the tube tops and pick up the t-shirt. Do it for the children.

I toss out most charity info I get. United Way? Trash it. Save the Ocean fund? Recycle bin. Why do I need to donate the little money I have to something else? I should have a fund set up that people can donate to. I'm sorry but when I can barely afford to pay the bills and pay for food, I shouldn't be expected to donate money to anyone. My favorite is the Universities I went to sending me solicitations for donations to the "Alumni fund". I'm sorry, the $50,000 you milked me for in graduate school wasn't enough? Or the $10,000 in student fees I paid as an undergraduate? I could have bought a damn nice car by now, or a yacht, that I could have taken to hell, or at least to somewhere warm. Take your alumni fund and join me in hell, money grubbers.

I really don't care for most people's children. Unless you are a friend of mine or a family member, your snotty nosed kid needs to stop staring at me and get a bath. I hate being in a grocery store, and some stranger's kid is screaming. Shut it up already! I'm sure when I have children it'll be different, but I like to think that I will not allow my child to escalate to that point. Now my friends and family who have children, I love every one of them. I just don't give a flying rip about some stranger's kid. Most of them are ugly. Somehow all of my friends ended up with beautiful babies. I'm sure mine will be beautiful someday too, and the combination of my vainness of these said children and my annoyance of stranger's kids probably is sending me to hell.

I'm going to hell, who's coming with me? At least in hell, I can toast marshmallows. See you there!

Learn more about this author, Danielle Dusold.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.