It will be good to begin the article by defining the term "irritating": to annoy someone to the extent that they get frustrated and angry.
Let's examine the various behaviours that are often irritating to others:
- Complaining / Whining
- Messenger of bad news
- Cracking jokes that are not funny for a long time
- Constantly talking without letting others talk
- Keep talking about ourselves
- Putting other people down
- Criticising
- Keep talking about our expertise (and this gets exceptionally irritating when it's highly technical in nature)
- Talking loudly
- Often looking out for praise
While the abovementioned examples look daunting, the solutions are in fact very simple, and primarily psychological in nature. We cannot avoid the involvement of psychology in interpersonal communication discussion and this article is no exception.
What follows are three techniques that I find to be the most effective when it comes to not being irritating:
<Focus on others in our conversations, and not on ourselves>: This technique almost always works. It is human nature that all of us love to be lavished with praises and compliments. And we like to talk about ourselves. Therefore, if someone provides us with an opportunity to, we will grab the opportunity almost immediately. Although this technique has proven to be very effective, we must be wary of others who may know the same concept behind technique and thus make the effort to know more about ourselves. If we insist that these individuals elaborate on their responses, the conversation may result in a tango, with both parties demanding that each talk more about himself/herself. When this happens, irritation will not cease but rather, increases. So, when someone insists that we talk about ourselves, make an effort to encourage the other party to speak up. However, if they refuse, we should oblige by talking about ourselves (while taking care not to disclose any personal information that we feel uncomfortable doing so). However, we should know there is a limit (as in most things in life) and hence should know when to stop.
<Be Sincere>: It is important to understand the difference between being sincere and acting sincere. While the former often wins the hearts of others, the latter reeks of manipulation and will become irritating after a while. Most people choose to act sincere rather than being sincere because it is much easier to do so. Being sincere involves a particular mindset that many may find it exhausting, as it requires one to be open and making an effort to know anybody that he or she comes across. However, this is the only way since others have a way of seeing through any forms of manipulative behaviour and intent. Once others notice signs of deceit, they will lose trust in us and the damage usually cannot be repaired. Hence, it is very important that we remain sincere.
<Value of Silence>: This point seems to be contradictory to the first point that I have made but it is not. The first point about focusing on others is effective but this technique will backfire if others are made to talk for a long time without rest. Hence, this technique of using silence is useful when inserted during conversations to allow ourselves and others to gather our thoughts before speaking. An individual who speaks non-stop without pauses is among the most irritating individuals on this earth. So, it will be good for us to use silence as a form of response. However, we should not go to extremes. A person who is too silent may be seen as deceptive or secretive, both qualities of which will give an undesirable impression on others. Maintaining a balance is key.
I hope that these three techniques will help you improve your interpersonal communication skills.
There are many self-help books out there, but I believe that at the end of the day, it comes down to the abovementioned three points.
As least, this is the conclusion that I have reached after reading tons of them.