by Patrick Tay

Created on: December 05, 2008

It will be good to begin the article by defining the term "irritating": to annoy someone to the extent that they get frustrated and angry.

Let's examine the various behaviours that are often irritating to others:

- Complaining / Whining

- Messenger of bad news

- Cracking jokes that are not funny for a long time

- Constantly talking without letting others talk

- Keep talking about ourselves

- Putting other people down

- Criticising

- Keep talking about our expertise (and this gets exceptionally irritating when it's highly technical in nature)

- Talking loudly

- Often looking out for praise

While the abovementioned examples look daunting, the solutions are in fact very simple, and primarily psychological in nature. We cannot avoid the involvement of psychology in interpersonal communication discussion and this article is no exception.

What follows are three techniques that I find to be the most effective when it comes to not being irritating:

<Focus on others in our conversations, and not on ourselves>: This technique almost always works. It is human nature that all of us love to be lavished with praises and compliments. And we like to talk about ourselves. Therefore, if someone provides us with an opportunity to, we will grab the opportunity almost immediately. Although this technique has proven to be very effective, we must be wary of others who may know the same concept behind technique and thus make the effort to know more about ourselves. If we insist that these individuals elaborate on their responses, the conversation may result in a tango, with both parties demanding that each talk more about himself/herself. When this happens, irritation will not cease but rather, increases. So, when someone insists that we talk about ourselves, make an effort to encourage the other party to speak up. However, if they refuse, we should oblige by talking about ourselves (while taking care not to disclose any personal information that we feel uncomfortable doing so). However, we should know there is a limit (as in most things in life) and hence should know when to stop.

<Be Sincere>: It is important to understand the difference between being sincere and acting sincere. While the former often wins the hearts of others, the latter reeks of manipulation and will become irritating after a while. Most people choose to act sincere rather than being sincere because it is much easier to do so. Being sincere involves a particular mindset that many may find it exhausting, as it requires

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