by Barbara Paulus

Created on: December 05, 2008   Last Updated: March 04, 2009

Dating relationships are transient associations firmly grounded upon the principles of communication, honesty, and patience as understood and interpreted by two individuals open to exploring a physically intimate relationship. The reasons for their deterioration are possible to identify, though frequently painful to realize.

Relationships die. Trouble awaits those who refuse to accept this basic potentiality. They fluctuate and they fizzle, they flourish and flounder and they deteriorate and die.

W. H. Auden provided sage insight when he wrote "Almost all of our relationships begin and most of them continue as forms of mutual exploitation, a mental or physical barter, to be terminated when one or both parties run out of goods." Without sounding overtly pessimistic to the lighthearted romantics, Auden leaves ample room for proper healthy relationships to flourish by his carefully placed caveat, the word 'almost'. However, this allowance does not give the lover license to wallow in self-pity indeterminately.

Instead, Auden's assessment as to why relationships die challenges the brokenhearted, the inquisitive and sensitive types, indeed all of us, to categorically approach the demon forever present in all relationships - the ability of the relationship to die - and to make some sense of it.

Relationships primarily end for three reasons, or from a combination of them: a lack of communication, a lack of honesty, and an inability to be patient.

Communication is the foundation and that which sustains any and every relationship. If one or both partners feel that there is some hindrance in this area, it affects both negatively. The way to supersede this impediment is by trusting your partner and becoming open and honest.

Lack of honesty effectively deteriorates every possible significant gain from previous experiences between those involved in a relationship. Even minor infractions add up substantially over time and become a sweltering, festering sore from which both parties will want to rid themselves.

Patience is often touted as a virtue and it is especially relevant in relationships. When lacking, patience exponentially undermines a relationship that may have been otherwise successful. Auden also wrote "Perhaps there is only one cardinal sin: impatience. Because of impatience we were driven out of Paradise, because of impatience we cannot return." A lack of patience, including a furtive inability to be patient, serves to demarcate precisely were the relationship will inevitably and definitely end.

Other pertinent issues complicate the reasons why relationships die such as a lack of physical attraction, the phenomenon of 'outgrowing' your partner, geographical hardships, personal intimacy issues, poor sexual performance, an inability to listen and at least attempt to understand, as well as a variety of other lamentable examples.

In essence, relationships are surely understood as mutual agreements, whether verbalized or understood, based upon a plethora of matters unique to the parties involved. They may or may not be exploitative in nature, as Auden contends, but the essential requirement is that both parties be aware of each other's intentions. Exactly why they break down is often difficult to ascertain or approximate, even with careful consideration of communication, honesty, and patience; Auden proffers that most relationships are bound to fail, but, with attention to these key elements, yours may very well see the 'almost' caveat for which he makes room become the binding element between you and your next love.

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