by Serafina

Created on: January 18, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

"Dies," would probably not be the right way to describe what happened to my feelings for my first love. I think, "fades," or, "changes," would be better adjectives by far.

I met Erik when he was sixteen and I was fourteen. We ate pizza together after school and the chemistry between us was instant. We were inseparable, staying up on the phone together until four in the morning and I was able to share my feelings with him in a way I've never shared with anyone since. For us, as for anyone, the intensity of our first love was unimaginable.

After about a year-and-a-half, however, the relationship had fallen apart. He was severely depressed and it caused a lot of difficulties in our relationship. I broke it off and the intensity of the pain I felt from the breakup was almost as great as the intensity I'd felt falling in love with Erik.

I'm twenty-eight now and I've fallen for a couple other guys since then, married another man, divorced, and fallen in love again. Every "love" I've ever had has had a different quality and I'm not sure that you can really define what being "in love" means.

I know that after seven years of marriage, I no longer "loved" my husband Jeremy, but that there is an affinity there that he and I will always hold for one another. Regardless of whether the romance has faded, Jeremy and I are still raising two children as a team.

Similarly, Erik and I are friends today and through his friendship Erik still provides me with emotional support. We didn't talk for a number of years, but because we knew each other so deeply as teenagers, we still know each other well. When I'm treated badly by another man and Erik calls him a goober, it really does make me feel better because I know that's how Erik really feels.

Obviously, our feelings for one another are no longer romantic, but Erik and I do have a connection of sorts and I wouldn't trade it for a world of romance. So yes, I would say that your first love "dies" in the sense that you're no longer "in love" with that person. However, the depth of the friendship you develop together can live on.

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