I asked a closeted gay friend of mine "Why are you still in the closet?" he thought for a moment then replied, "Now that the witch is dead and all the snow has melted, the weather here is lovely!"

I was hoping for some form of serious answer, there are really no reasons that I could see for him to remain in the closet. He lives alone, his father passed away in 2005 and his mother lives in Spain.

His sisters suspect him anyway, one of them told me so herself, and he has no other close family. He works in the advertising industry, so being gay is hardly shocking, in fact it could be classed almost as compulsory. So why has he not taken the leap out of that closet into the rainbow filled world that I inhabit?

"Seriously." I prompted with a frown.

"Why do I need to, what harm am I doing by not coming out?" he asked

I was stumped for a suitable reply.

Later, as I was driving home, I was still a little upset that he couldn't give me a realistic answer to his refusal to come out and moreover why was I bothered whether he was out or not. He was out to me, shouldn't that be enough?

I turned on the car radio to listen to the news broadcast on Radio 4 and the first news item being reported was about protests outside the Houses of Parliament that night. The protesters were angry about proposed legislation that would make it illegal to refuse goods and services on the grounds of sexual orientation.

What does this mean? Well, currently in the UK it is not illegal for a hotel owner to refuse a double room to two men. This would be illegal if the legislation goes through in April 2007.

Why would hoteliers want to refuse business, well one interviewed protester said that not being able to refuse infringed on his human rights to actively practice his Christianity.

I don't have a problem with anyone practicing their religion, as long as they don't try to push their values on me and expect me to live by the rules they've chosen.

At that moment, the figurative light bulb went on over my head.

What harm was my friend doing by not coming out? The answer to that question is simple and straightforward.

By not coming out he is a hidden unknown entity, by not standing up and being counted he diminishes us and keeps us as a minority.

Kinsey's US research said 1 in 10, that may be true if there are more like my friend who will not admit to their sexuality, but could the real number be more like 2 in 10, 3 in 10? Unless people come out and raise their hand our strength as a community is weakened and can only be strengthened by his inclusion.

Not only the gay community would benefit, the whole world would benefit, the rich variety of culture and diversity is multiplied more people come out. Our society is enriched by the mixing of diverse voices.

I was reminded at that point by the poem which is inscribed on the New England Holocaust Memorial in Boston, Massachusetts.

They came first for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me,
and by that time no one was left to speak up.

When I got home I looked it up on the Internet and wrote it down. The next night I went to see my friend again. I said I had an answer for him and handed him the poem.

He sat in silence while he read it, then he took a deep breath and wordlessly he picked up the telephone and dialed a number. After a few minutes a voice answered and he said, "Mum, listen, I have something important to tell you."

Learn more about this author, Mike Deakin.
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