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Humor: Confessions

by Cody Reed

Created on: December 05, 2008

The vaulted ceiling of the cathedral stood high above Dave as he staggered his way into the incense choked church at 8:00am on a Sunday morning. What little was left of his recollections of the weekend were enough to remind him that he not only needed to confess his sins, but that his underwear was probably somewhere in Central Park. Not wanting any of his fellow parishioners to see his bloodshot eyes and smell the stench of alcohol coming off of him, he made his way directly into the little confessional booth that was his main goal anyway. As he sat down in the moderately uncomfortable booth, he replayed what he could remember of his actions through his mind.


Well, starting from what he remembered earliest there was a pair of his friends. Don and Chris had come and picked him up in Don's old beat up Pinto and they had driven down to Flannigan's, as per their usual Saturday night routine. When they had gotten there, two things had happened. First, Dave had ordered a whiskey, nice and neat, and had drained it as fast as only somone who only drinks one day a week can. The second and less ordinary of the two things was that his eye was caught by a blonde woman sitting at the other end of the bar, all by her lonesome self. She was beautiful, her hair was the color of honey and her eyes were the color of grass. A second later he was walking down the bar to her with a second glass of whiskey in his hand.
Dave was pulled from his reverie by the sound of the priest entering the other side of the confessional. The priest slid the window open and before he could say anything about the reek of whiskey that had undoubtedly filled both sides of the confessional, Dave spoke. "Forgive me Father, for i have sinned." he stopped, but only for a second, his half-drunk brain trying to process a sequence of dates since his last confession. He gave up and decided that even if he couldn't remember it, it was probably last Sunday. "It's been a week since my last confession." The priest made a noise on his side of the box that Dave took to mean "Go on." "Well, father" Dave said with a bit of a tremble to his voice "This Saturday, i had a bit of trouble with the demon of booze again. I went for a drink with the boys, and i saw a beautiful woman. Well, from what i remember, there was a bit of a fight over her later on in the night, and me and the boys may have hurt a fella pretty bad. See, it probably would have been fine if we had of stopped when the man fell down after Don hit him

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