The last thing any parent wants is a rebellious teenager. If the universe were a perfect place all teenagers would be mindful of the rules, respectful of their parents and ready to take on the adult world the moment they turned 18. Since we don't live in Mayberry, this is hardly ever the case.
Every parent has to deal with a rebellious teen to varying degrees. Whether yours is the one that merely lies about a party or two, or the one who sneaks out, does drugs and maybe even has sex, you always want to keep them safe. No parent can be everywhere their child is, as much as you want to be. You try to watch over them and keep them out of trouble, but how much is too much?
Is the better parent the one who digs through their teen's room, reading private diaries, text messages, and letters, or the one who doesn't? The answer to this question is a hard one to figure out. Sometimes your teenager is too good at hiding things but you know they're in trouble, other times, you are simply wondering what's going on in their life and if there's anything they're not telling you.
It wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager, worrying about curfews and getting caught sneaking off campus at lunch. My mother was strict to a degree that borders on dictator in certain areas of my life because I was rebellious and wanted to do WHAT I wanted WHEN I wanted. Did she check up on me from time to time? Yes. Did she make sure she asked as many questions as she could before and after the fact? Yes. Did I get busted for a lot of things I shouldn't have been doing? Absolutely. Did she ever violate my privacy? NO.
So did that make her a bad parent or a good parent? In my case it made her a very good parent. With my personality most of what I did to get in trouble was away from my home, away from prying eyes as much as possible. I had one or two things that may have gotten me in trouble to a degree hidden in my room, but no drugs or anything of that sort. I knew for a fact that my mother would barely even go into my room if there was something of hers I borrowed and she needed. Her mindset was that she would never violate my privacy by going through my things and I would never do that to her.
This worked for me. Had she been one to snoop through my room, you can bet she wouldn't find anything because why would I keep things where she could find them? If I had a diary and thought for even a minute that she had read it, I can guarantee I would have done even more things to get myself in trouble as an act of rebellion, out of anger. And you know what? To this day I stay out of other people's things, even their fridge's, without asking and they respect me for it.
I can't say this is the scenario that would have worked for every parent. Sometimes you just know that something is really wrong with your child and they aren't telling you anything. You suspect it might be drugs, or sex, and as much information as you try to pry out of them, you just can't help them. So you decide to take matters into your own hands and see if you can find the answer. To this, I can't condemn it. At least you're being active in their life and taking an interest in their well being.
However, if you are going through their private possessions for no good reason other than you "just want to make SURE they're not doing anything they're not supposed to", well that's where I draw the line. It may be your house and your rules, but how is your teen supposed to understand boundaries and respect if you show them none when they've really done nothing to deserve it?
YOU have to make the choice whether or not violating your child's privacy is warranted, but I think it should always be a last resort. They may be disrespectful, think they know everything and have this weird notion that they are invincible, but every teenager is like that to an extent. The question you have to ask yourself before you cross that line is, "is this my only option to get the answers I really need, or am I just teaching them that nothing is sacred?"