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Balancing teen privacy with parenting

by Kimberly Davis

Created on: December 04, 2008

The last thing any parent wants is a rebellious teenager. If the universe were a perfect place all teenagers would be mindful of the rules, respectful of their parents and ready to take on the adult world the moment they turned 18. Since we don't live in Mayberry, this is hardly ever the case.

Every parent has to deal with a rebellious teen to varying degrees. Whether yours is the one that merely lies about a party or two, or the one who sneaks out, does drugs and maybe even has sex, you always want to keep them safe. No parent can be everywhere their child is, as much as you want to be. You try to watch over them and keep them out of trouble, but how much is too much?

Is the better parent the one who digs through their teen's room, reading private diaries, text messages, and letters, or the one who doesn't? The answer to this question is a hard one to figure out. Sometimes your teenager is too good at hiding things but you know they're in trouble, other times, you are simply wondering what's going on in their life and if there's anything they're not telling you.

It wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager, worrying about curfews and getting caught sneaking off campus at lunch. My mother was strict to a degree that borders on dictator in certain areas of my life because I was rebellious and wanted to do WHAT I wanted WHEN I wanted. Did she check up on me from time to time? Yes. Did she make sure she asked as many questions as she could before and after the fact? Yes. Did I get busted for a lot of things I shouldn't have been doing? Absolutely. Did she ever violate my privacy? NO.

So did that make her a bad parent or a good parent? In my case it made her a very good parent. With my personality most of what I did to get in trouble was away from my home, away from prying eyes as much as possible. I had one or two things that may have gotten me in trouble to a degree hidden in my room, but no drugs or anything of that sort. I knew for a fact that my mother would barely even go into my room if there was something of hers I borrowed and she needed. Her mindset was that she would never violate my privacy by going through my things and I would never do that to her.

This worked for me. Had she been one to snoop through my room, you can bet she wouldn't find anything because why would I keep things where she could find them? If I had a diary and thought for even a minute that she had read it, I can guarantee I would have done even more things to get myself in trouble as

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