Every human on earth has 168 hours a week to spend doing the things needed for basic survival and the left over is spent doing what we choose to do. In our modern age, the need to learn time management skills begins almost as soon as parents can reason with their toddlers. However, while time management is an important skill to cultivate in children, it is also essential for children to have unstructured, unscheduled play time.
One of the most important aspects of time management is the vocabulary used in everyday conversation. How often do we make the comment of "having to do" something? Frequently, we procrastinate finishing projects, tasks, or assignments, because we use the words "have to" in front of the things we choose to do. By saying "have to" we eliminate our responsibility of choice to accomplish the task and place it on an external source. This vocabulary causes a type of rebellious reaction that perpetuates a procrastination habit in most people.
Procrastination can also come in the form of loading our plates too full of things that "have to" be done. When we begin to feel overwhelmed we tend to not fully do anything, but instead become stressed, frazzled, and ill. The strongest teaching tool in a parent's arsenal is example. So, when a parent exhibits over doing and procrastination, regardless of what they tell their children, their children will learn poor time management skills and procrastination from their parent's examples.
The best way to teach a child time management skills, is by knowing the procrastination triggers. For most families at least one parent works outside the home, and while that parent might exhibit great time management skills at work, the children will never see those skills being put into practice. Therefore, the time management skills they will see are the ones exampled at home by their parents. For a stay at home parent, or even working parents, who use vocabulary such as: "We have to clean such and such. We have to make dinner. You have to clean your room. You have to do homework." can find themselves faced with children who end up with poor time management skills due to unintentional rebellion resulting in procrastination.
The way to change this learned behavior, essentially a bad habit, is to change the vocabulary used around the home. Using words such as need and want, choose and choice, we can eliminate the rebellious reaction and instill a good time management vocabulary. This may seem strange as many things, such as homework, are usually looked at as compulsory, in actually are a choice. Instead of saying "You have to get your homework done before dinner." try, "If your homework is not done before dinner" and then add a consequence such as no television, no computer time, or no video games. Homework is a choice, in that if it is not done for school the child will receive poor grades, this should also be explained, though sometimes this is not enough of a motivational factor for some children.
By removing the "have to's "out of the parental vocabulary, it is possible to teach two lessons at the same time: taking responsibility for the choices made and how to use the time wisely. As adults know, there is always a consequence to the choices made, if you don't get an assignment done at work, you might get fired. If you don't do the laundry, there will be no clean clothes to wear. But children often don't see the consequences to the choice of doing a task or not doing a task, especially when the "have to's" are employed. "You have to clean your room." is not telling the child why they need to clean their room, but simply that it has to get done. But rephrasing it "Your room is to be cleaned by such and such a time, or " and a reasonable consequence, which will be followed through on, should be given.
Children, like adults, need down time too. Cramming every minute of your child's day full of activities in order too keep them out of trouble, can and usually does back-fire on most parents. Children need free time and the best time for free time for children of school age is on the weekends. Parents have to take into account that free time doesn't mean family time, time spent at relatives' houses, or doing chores, it means free alone time for the child to do as they please. While it is a good idea to spend time as a family unit doing something fun, it is also equally important to make sure your children have at least five hours on the weekends to themselves if they want it. After putting in a 40 hour week at school, same as a full time job, and then up to 20 hours of home work time (for high school students it can even be more) along with their activities and family time, they deserve to have five hours to themselves on the weekends.
So, the next time you are late, stressed out, or feeling overwhelmed, because your children seem to lack a sense of time, take a look at the vocabulary you are using with your children and yourself. If things "have to get done" then you are not doing them right. The only things we "have to do" is pay taxes and grow older. Make every minute of your 168 hours a week count, and instill a sense of responsibility in your children by taking the responsibility for your choices and your vocabulary.