by Maxwell Payne

Created on: December 04, 2008   Last Updated: February 26, 2009

Giving children choices rather than commands teaches skills that will last a lifetime.

By giving a child a choice rather then a command you allow that child to learn some crucial life skills. These skills include responsible decision making, acceptance of consequences, ability to think at higher cognitive levels, and being better equipped to deal with the challenges they will face throughout life. Starting out with the ability to make responsible choices younger in life will in turn lead to continued responsible decision making long after your child has left home.

A child who is constantly commanded will grow to fear authority and as thus will never question it; rather become submissive to it. This isn't to suggest a child should grow up believing laws are optional; rather children who are commanded will grow to always accept the way things are because after all they weren't asked to decide they were told what they would be doing.

There is however a fine line between giving your child a choice and spoiling them. Choice based decisions should be limited to cases in which the outcome is not likely to have a long lasting harmful effect on the child. Allowing the child a choice of playtime activity is acceptable whereas asking a child if they'd like to take their vitamins is another thing altogether. Creating a sense of independence is important but keep in mind that children are not fully developed cognitive beings and thus still rely on and crave a support system and someone who can take control when things seem overwhelming.

The allowing of choice based decisions has great benefits that can last a lifetime such as in the case of flexible eating habits of young children given a choice. If you ask a child at dinner whether they want veggies or McDonald's most will say McDonalds. However if you offer them a choice between say broccoli or carrots; they will only be allowed to choose from those two both healthy choices. What this will do is create a like of at least some healthy foods and the child will grow up eating healthier because they have few bad experiences of being forced to eat a certain food.

Overall it is up to the discretion of the parent to determine just how much choice making is allowed and it is important to limit choices for young children; but just giving them this ability will have lasting effects on how they handle the challenges of life later on. Starting out early in life learning how to make good decisions will help set your child up to handle the ups and downs throughout their lives.

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