by Sharon Chapman

Created on: December 04, 2008   Last Updated: May 08, 2011

Word.net defines divorce as "to disassociate part or break association with". Divorce means you are no longer with the person you married; it doesn't necessarily mean you don't love that person any more, especially if you are not the one who initiated the divorce. You should not spend too much time with your ex, especially in the early days of the divorce because you are trying to heal emotionally.

Children aside, emotional healing is perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of divorce. You have invested your heart and your emotions in a relationship that is being declared void. Even if you are the person who asked for the divorce there will still be emotional scars to deal with. Spending time with your ex will only delay that healing and possibly lead to false hopes.

There are going to be times that you have to deal with your ex. There are assets to be divided and possibly children to take into consideration. You are separating one home into two. You need to makes sure you have a neutral location to meet and a neutral party to intervene if necessary.

For example, your ex calls you about the finances. That is to be expected. However, if your ex calls you everyday about something different then perhaps you try to meet in a public or open place. If you do choose to meet at one or the other's new homes, try to make it during the day and as brief as possible. Your heart is going to try to overrule your mind after all, you were married to this person.

If you are the initiator of the divorce you could be putting yourself in danger by spending too much time with your ex. You might think you know the person inside out, but anger and jealousy, particularly if you have moved on, can make people do things they ordinarily would not do. Be cautious when seeing your ex alone take a friend or meet in a coffee shop. Don't become a victim and don't lead your ex to believe anything that is not true.

You should not spend too much time with your ex no matter what your reasons for divorcing. You both need a chance to heal and to move forward with your life. You can remain friends and possibly even lifelong friends however that is for the future to decide, you must move beyond each other for the moment. Who knows what the future might bring, it could come full circle back to each other, in which case you both will have grown in the process. No matter what the future or the past are you should not spend too much time with your ex until you have spent enough time with yourself.

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