by Skyler Wolf Jones

Created on: December 03, 2008

I was at the airport the other day and a guy comes over the intercom system speaking: "Would the person who picked up the wrong luggage and placed it in your vehicle report to the security desk immediately." I instantly thought two things, either one, each person in their vehicle outside has access to the intercom system, or two, this person speaking was clueless. You guessed it, clueless. That would be like saying, would the person who just came into the bank with a mask on and what appears to be a gun that is getting into their vehicle with the wrong cash please report to bank security immediately. Can you imagine, the robbers driving away....screeches the breaks....shoot were caught Eddy, turn around.

I think a lot of the time we as humans are missing the common sense portion of our brains. Just to clarify for those missing that portion of their brain I am not referring to pennies, nickels and dimes.

So I am boarding my airplane, well they call it an airplane. I was boarding one of those puddle jumpers that hold less than 50 people. I am not a big gambler unless it comes to a business trip to a small town. They might as well ask you when you get on board, how much you would like to bet we make it there safely. Money on red means we make it. Black you lose. Being a smart gambler I always go with the odds on red. Cause if it ain't red, well you're dead. Part of that common sense thing.

I board the plane and start heading back to my seat. Now I have nothing against heavy people, but why is it I end up always sitting by someone who is obese in these small planes. I got to my seat and the lady sitting next to me looked like jello that outgrew its molding. I'm a nice person so I politely sat down and went to grab my seatbelt... I went to grab my seatbelt ...and ....well... right. She was sitting on it. I've done some exploring in my life, but I can tell you this isn't the exploring I had in mind.

Alright my seat belt is finally on; everything is secure when the flight attendant starts giving her deal on safety in case of emergencies. She gets to the part of the flotation cushion the exact time the lady next to me moves and her belly creeps over the armrest as if it had a personality of its own and wiggled on me. It literally wiggled on me, like it was laughing and introducing itself. Being the positive person I am, I leaned over and said "if we crash into the water lady, I'm not grabbing a floaty seat cushion, I'm grabbing you."

Of course I didn't really say that...out loud. But you do the math, one dense cushion, or one plump lady. Even Jack from the movie Titanic would be alive today if Rose wasn't so dang skinny.

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