Most individuals associate childhood memories with their first love - memorable and wonderful. This can often be seen in school alumni dinners where one's childhood memories will be brought up for discussion way into the wee hours of the night. Childhood memories is a bond that are shared among most of us, and this is especially so for those of us whose deep friendships have been forged in academic libraries, noisy classrooms and school canteens.
I often wondered why childhood memories are often more memorable than our adult years. And the only factor that I am to identify is that of innocence. Innocence - a quality inherent in all of us- is a strange quality but like almost all things in life, follows the natural cycle of life. It appears pure and demure when we are in our infancy stage, acquires a tinge of mischievousness during our teenage years, reaches its full strength during our courtship and romantic phase, weakens as we reach our adult years when maturing, and comes back to life again when we enter our "second childhood" phase in our old age. It remains in us throughout our lives without giving up on us. Even in times of senility, it does not forsake us. It is our guardian angels, guiding us in taking a light-hearted approach to life and giving us a reprimanding pat on our heads when we fail to learn how to let go.
However, despite its perseverance and determination, Innocence has - over time- become a stranger to most of us. In a technologically-advanced and structured society, we become routinised, almost to the point of being automatons and cyborgs. We become merely a cog in the machinery (from a distance, observe groups of working professionals standing on an escalator as it heads up and down), a number (most of us are identified by a number on our identity cards), a statistic (when we make an enquiry, we are often referred to not by our names but by our case enquiry number). We no longer feel the same way as when we were children, and soar as high as we wished to. When we grow up, we realise that there are constraints in this world (such as different caste systems, income divide, diverse educational backgrounds, cultural differences, personal expectations), limits that we cannot go beyond no matter how hard we try. This is made worse with the influx of consumerism where some individuals no longer take the initiative to connect. And even in the event of doing so, the primary intentions lie merely with making comparisons in terms of materialistic possession and social status. In a nutshell, bond-building is passe, a thing of the past.
However, regardless of our differences in our backgrounds and life experiences, I believe that deep down in our hearts, we are all able to sense the presence of a friend who keeps all of us connected, a friend who has always stayed with us but who has since long been abandoned by us in our search for greener pastures, a great friend known as Innocence. It is only when we turn our heads and look back at the times when we were kids that we acknowledge this friend of ours, this friend who have been holding our hands since we were born, this friend who has laughed with us, introduced new friends to us and enable us to see beyond our differences and recognised the fact that we are all one with the universe, regardless of cultural background and skin colour. However, even when we abandon it, Innocence is still standing there waiting for us to return to him, hoping that one day we will.
Regrettably, most of us do not.
We only have a faint recollection of Innocence when recalling our childhood days. We know that we are happy then, when life seems so enjoyable and simple. And for a moment there, just for a moment, we seem to sense that someone is with us, someone who comforts us when we are sad, encourages us when we are demoralised and lifts us up high in spirit when we strive to do well in life. But we can no longer put a name or face to this friend.
This probably explains why whenever we bring up our childhood days, all of us usually sense a strong sense of camaraderie with others immediately while feeling connected and happy. This is because there is an old friend of ours who still recognises us and reminding us that we once are all great friends who get to know one another through him. I believe that all of us will discover in our own time and realise in hindsight that we have left behind a great friend known as Innocence in pursuit of greener pastures. And we will eventually come to a realisation that the pastures that we have abandoned have always been eternally green and fresh, and awaiting our return. The new grounds that we are constantly treading on, on the other hand, often wither and decay over time.
That will be the day when we will try our best to find back Innocence but try as we might, we will soon realise that we can no longer turn back time. But Innocence is still there with us, within us.
Our childhood memories remain as the only portal that will bring us to him.
Finding Innocence and thanking him for what he has done for us will remain as our only saving grace in this life.