by Janet Krenn

Created on: December 02, 2008   Last Updated: December 10, 2008

Don't waste your time wondering whether your guy is shy or uninterested! The real question is: Does he make honest effort to be near you?

Guys thrive on the pursuit! If you don't see effort, you're looking at an uninterested guy. What are some signs the guy is not interested? Consider these situations:

1. You've never even spoken.

Signs the guy is not interested:

If he's never looked your way, assume he's not interested in you. Either he has noticed you and moved on, or he has not noticed you at all. Either way, save your effort. Move on.

Signs he's a shy guy:

Assume he's interested if he looks/smiles/stares/gapes at you. But just because he looks your way, doesn't mean he's smitten. He might simply be a friendly, shy, uninterested guy.

Encourage him:

When he looks over at you, look back and smile at him. Don't pull the classic gasp-with-embarrassment-and-run. Make eye contact, smile, repeat. If he's interested, he'll make his way to you.

2. You've spoken with your shy guy in the comfort of larger groups.

Signs the guy is not interested:

He listens politely, but doesn't talk directly to you. He walks away when others start leaving the group.

Signs he's a shy guy:

He pays attention to you when you speak in a group of people. He responds directly to your comments. He seems to want to keep you involved in the conversation.

Encourage him:

Return the favor. If your shy guy is responding to you, send out a little encouragement by responding to him. If you have yet to talk one-on-one, start thinking of ways the two of you can have alone time. Maybe you can grab lunch or coffee during the week.

3. You've spoken with your shy guy one-on-one, but he still has not asked you out.

Signs the guy is not interested:

He talks to you when you approach him, but he never seeks you out.

Signs he's shy guy:

He has not only spoken with you, but he approaches you!

Encourage him:

Give the man a little help. You might say, "We should hang out sometime; can I give you my number?" It may sound scary, but a truly interested shy guy will leap at the opportunity! You've made it easy for him to contact you, you've stated your interest, and you're still giving him space to pursue you.

4. You've given your shy guy your phone number and mentioned that you would like to see him socially.

Signs the guy is not interested:

He never calls, even when you restate you interest later. He offers you his phone number instead. He "forgets" to call or looses your phone number.

Signs he's a shy guy:

He calls you, and invites you to a formal date or a group outing. When you're out with him, he seems genuinely interested in you. He doesn't necessarily hang on you, but he doesn't ditch you during the outing nor does he ignore you.

Encourage him:

When you have a fun time with him, tell him. When he mentions he'd like to see you again, don't just say "okay". Say something like, "Can't wait!"

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