by John F. Kendall

Created on: December 02, 2008   Last Updated: December 10, 2008

IS HE A SHY GUY OR IS HE JUST NOT INTERESTED?

In everyone's life they are going to meet up with a "shy guy". Shyness is a trait that usually comes from youth, inexperience, a lack of confidence, or a combination of these qualities. Shy guys usually become less shy as time goes by but you want to know right now: is it shyness or simply a lack of interest?

If the guy in question is simply shy there are things you can do to help him over come it. The first of these is so simple that many people over look it: simply say hello. If you happen to have a person in common you know, mention that. If you both get along with this other mutual acquaintance, then he'll feel a bit more certain about getting along with you. Most shy guys want to avoid embarrassment and are uncertain of what to do or say next. Try to be as accepting as you can over anything he might do or might say: always give him the benefit of the doubt.

The best thing you can do to get past the shyness is to try and find the topics and ideas he is comfortable with. Inexperience and a lack of confidence don't stand up to anything wherein the shy guy knows he is a success. Be prepared to listen and don't be afraid to ask questions if you don't know anything about his interests. If it turns out to be something that you both really like, be enthusiastic but not dominating. Try to find what you have in common and go from there.

Of course, it might be that the shy guy isn't shy at all and is simply not interested. Here are some of the main signs that the guy is not interested:

1) He refuses to reply or engage in conversation with you at all.

2) He doesn't smile or show any interest in what you have to say.

3) He makes an excuse to remove himself from your presence as soon as possible.

4) He's always tied up with his "friends" or some other project that prevents him spending time with you.

5) He generally avoids you and/ or disappears when he sees that you are either in the same general area or approaching him.

6) After getting to know you somewhat, he never initiates conversation or contact.

7) He never suggests to mutual friends or acquaintances that you be included in any of their plans for activities.

Remember: most shy guys aren't happy that they are shy and would like to stop being shy. Disinterested guys, at best, don't care if you are around or not. Before investing time, effort, and emotion be certain that the relationship can exist. Don't make excuses in hopes of him becoming an imaginary version you'd like him to be. Try, be friendly, and, if it doesn't work - move on.

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