by JRR

Created on: December 02, 2008   Last Updated: July 26, 2010

Many times, I have heard someone ask my daughter if she was going to play softball like I did. As proud as the thought made me, nothing irritated me any more than that question. Yes, I wanted her to play, but only because she loved to play, not because I had.

For several years she did play, and was very good. Then she decided she didn't want to play any more. It broke my heart when she looked at me and said, "Mom I'll play if you want me too." It didn't bother me that she had decided not to play, only that she felt I would be disappointed in her if she didn't.

I made it very clear to her and everyone else that I wanted her to play because she wanted to. If she chose not to do so, it had no affect on how I felt about her or how proud I would or wouldn't be of her.

So many times parents seem to relive their lives through their children. They seem to try to make their children nothing more than a younger version of themselves to try to capture things they missed. This is so unfair.

Yes, our children often emulate us in many ways. But they are not a younger version of us, and not a way to relive our past. They are their own person with their own interests and should be treated as such.

When a parent tries to force their child to be a certain way it opens the door for so many things. It makes the child feel they aren't good enough as they are. That unless they are the way their parent/s want them to be that they are letting them down.

This can lead to rebellion, depression, substance abuse, or just plain withdrawal and low self esteem because they feel they have to be a certain way to be accepted. Children have enough to deal with growing up in todays society without the added pressure of being made to feel they have to be a carbon copy of someone else.

It takes away their identity, forcing them to try to be something they are not. Children should be encouraged to grow up as themselves. They each have something special to add to the world they live in and by expecting them to be like someone else, they aren't adding their own contribution, but what someone else thinks they should.

My daughter has many similarities to me. She is reminded of it often by many different people. They tell her she is just like me in the way she looks and acts. Thankfully she takes this as a compliment as do I, but when I hear someone say it, I remind them she may be like me, but she is very much her own person.

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