by Ben Hughes

Created on: December 02, 2008   Last Updated: September 10, 2009

My son and I are very similar in many ways, but we are also very different. I want the best for him but recognise that he has to find his own way. Do I want him to be like me? You've got to be joking.

It's a complement to God that Sam's naturally turned out like me, but I don't want an exact copy. I want him to do his best and be successful but I don't want to live my life through him: we are two different people and it isn't fair on either of us.

There are many things I regret in life and I'll tell Sam about some of them as he grows up, but he needs to make his own choices and his own mistakes. I'll do my best by him but we are two separate individuals, not one.

The excitement and love I've had for him since before he was born still grows and grows but I didn't have any set ideas about what I wanted him to be like before birth. There are parents who say "I want a boy," or "I want a girl," but I just wanted a child who would grow up to be the best and in my eyes he is.

I don't want him to change and push him into something. There's a difference between encouragement and being pushy and I want to be the former. Someone I know was pushed into studying certain subjects at school because a parent wanted to live his life through his son and it had a devastating effect on his studies and his career. I vowed from this moment on I would never try to do this because it just isn't fair.

Pushing parental expectations on to children is often too much pressure at too young an age. It can put too much pressure on children and cause unnecessary stress at an early age. It can also turn children into adults too early I think here of the beauty pageants in America where pre-pubescent girls are plastered with make-up and dressed up like adults. But these girls are girls, not adults. They should be able to act like girls, play like girls and dress like girls; and while parents should encourage genuine interest in beauty contests, I think it's wrong of parents when they expect their daughters to be like them at such a young age.

Like the parents who are literally willing to kill for their children, the cop-dependent parents or the helicopter parents, love, support and encouragement can be taken to extremes. While intentions may be good and even bring short-term success, there is often long-term disadvantage and damage, which is precisely what the parent is trying to avoid.

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