by Audrey-Anastasia Alleyne

Created on: December 02, 2008   Last Updated: June 09, 2010

While growing up, most children are attached to their family members, and they are the ones to whom they look to for love and support. However, it becomes something of a mystery, when sometimes later in life; some family members tend to disagree to a point far greater than the petty disagreements of childhood.

There will always be differences among families. Somehow these differences are managed through control by parents or other relatives, and we sail through them with love and understanding. However, when we grow older, and ought to be wiser, many a family seems to have problems managing their relationships. Lack of respect creeps in, jealousy, lack of understanding, and that innocent childhood handling of matters, now give way to something which appears to be battle among strangers.

The best way to manage these differences is to let go of that innocent notion that "This is my family. I am a member of this family, so they must love me." This reminds me of the American television sitcom on a family of talking dinosaurs, 'The Sinclairs ' which aired during the early 90's. baby Sinclair's famous words were "I'm the baby, got to love me." It's no"gotta love me" when relatives apparently seem to change from how they were when you were a kid.

I remained puzzled for years about this scenario, not only among my own family, but from stories I had heard from and about other families. I finally learnt how to manage the differences when I found the answer about family behavior in the Bible.

While the Bible tells us "Honor thy father and mother", and we should do this despite any obstacles, we also get a clear picture from Matthew 13; 54-58 of how members of our own family or household can react to us. We read where "The people were "astonished" at Jesus' teachings and questioned among themselves Whence hath this man this wisdom and these mighty works? Is not this the carpenter's son' Is not his mother called Mary? And his brethren James and Josses and Simon and Judas? And his sisters are they not all with us? Whence then hath this man all these things? We read further "And they were offended in him." Imagine they were actually offended. So, in other words, they meant" He is no better than us, who is he to feel he can teach us?"

That little incident led Jesus to testify "A prophet is not without honor, save in his own country, and in his own house." This is exactly what happens today. Our own people become offended, because they think that you are, or I am, just one of them. How can we be different! These are the people whom, to you it seems, should love you most, yet, sometimes they allow problems to escalate; just because they feel that you are no better than they are, even if you do know better, and even if your point of view is the correct one.

How do you deal with members of a family when reactions like these present themselves? What I have learnt is that you should respect each other's opinion, realize that you have different identities and try to compromise when differences arise, as they surely will; however, consider your well-being as well as the other person's, but not to your detriment. Keep your distance if that is the best way, but still pray for them and be willing to render help in times of sickness or need.

Learn more about this author, Audrey-Anastasia Alleyne.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.