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Balancing privacy with teens means an understanding must exist between parents and teens that clearly define the difference between privacy and secrecy. Respecting their privacy means you have garnered a significant amount of trust in their abilities to know the difference between right and wrong. That will come back two-fold in return when they become adults.

As you go about the everyday business of raising your children from infant to toddlers, and toddlers to adolescents, somewhere along this journey, there will come a time and place when they will have to make decisions all on their own, and by building a relationship where trust is conveyed, chances increase for a more favorable response because trust builds confidence that's needed in order to be successful adults.

Secrecy means that whatever the situation or deed being done, it's to be concealed or hidden from others. Privacy on the other hand warrants respect where boundaries are clearly defined. Children thrive where there's balance and stability.

Communication is crucial for creating the balance needed that will allow for teenagers and parents to co-exist. Parents will always be responsible for the bond that's developed between child and parent, and sometimes that means backing off or cracking down. You won't gain popularity, but your first responsibility is to always be a parent first. Friendship should only develop after they have left the nest.

My two boys were as different as night and day. My oldest is now 23 and still insists on telling me "everything". Some things I deem as personal, but he's always felt as though he could talk openly about anything and everything. My husband and I both encouraged this, wanting him to always feel he could tell us anything. Trust me, he does exactly that.

My second son at 21 is quite the opposite. He's quiet, reserved and clams up like a monkey on a cupcake. No amount of encouraging was going to free him of any information. We were on a need to know basis, and most of the time he didn't think we needed to know. I had to change my parenting skills to accommodate this mentality, and ever so carefully I was able to find out what I needed to know.

As parents, we are all going to make mistakes. That's a given. But as we forge on in this adventure known as parenting that we created, we must learn from those mistakes as well. What may work for one child may not work for another.

Respect is more often than not, demanded when in fact it should always be earned. By earning someone's respect, which will establish the type of relationship one will have with their children, limits can then be put in place and encouraged as well as enforced.

Teens are as vulnerable and confused enough by there peers. As parents it's our responsibility to encourage this new sense of awareness and understanding that they are going through. Space needed with boundaries will better suit your teenager vs. walls that can be generated and never knocked down.

Learn more about this author, Melody Hearndon.
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