by Angelia Edwards

Created on: December 02, 2008   Last Updated: December 06, 2008

The holidays were always a big thing in my family growing up. We would celebrate at my grandmother's (on my dad's side), where family,friends,and even neighbors would all gather. My grandma and my mother made our holidays the greatest. In my family I had all boy cousins and a brother, so I was very close to my mom and grandma. Things changed a lot in 1992 when I turned 14; my mom had a stoke at age 41. While she was in the hospital, they ran test and found out she had cancer in her pancreas. February 15th is when the Dr. came in her room to tell us it was terminal ,which was on my father's birthday. My mother past away the following month on the 23rd, right before Easter.

Before I could even start dealing with losing my mom, my grandmother had a heart attack and was in the hospital. The Dr. ran tests on her and found out she had cancer of the liver. In July of the same year she also passed away.

Two years later in July of 1994, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I felt like God had given me something wonderful to love and help ease some of the pain. On November 14th,j ust a few months later she passed away of SIDS.

Needless to say, I was beyond hurt, lost, angry,and devastated.I can't honestly say that I dealt with all that happening to me in good ways, I was only 16. My dad dealt with his pain with drinking, my brother with drugs, and I dealt with it by closing up. None of which are good ways! From that point on, I was on my own. My family didn't have those big holidays anymore, and we hardly saw each other.

Holidays were hard to deal with, especially Mother's Day. Over the years the hurt is still here; it's a lot easier to deal with though. Everyone deals with pain in their own ways, most of which are self destructive. The famous saying,"Running from your problems only makes it worse", is the best rule to follow in dealing with pain.

I chose not to stay closed up, not to do drugs, not to drink, and not to be self destructive. Instead I write poems, remember the good times, pray, pass on holiday traditions, write in a journal, and I talk to really good friends. The key thing is to talk and deal with how you feel either with a friend, God, loved one,or even counseling is real beneficial. The thing I remind myself everyday is the ones that I lost love me and would never want me to stop living my life; just like the ones you lost would never want you to stop living yours!

I am 31 years old now and I have two beautiful boys and with a man I love very much. Giving up in the past would not have given me the holidays and memories I am sharing with them now!

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