by Michael Tasic

Created on: December 02, 2008   Last Updated: June 14, 2011

Sometimes it's hard to tell if the man of your affections is just really, really shy or if he is just not into you. With instant messaging, SMS, email and cyber-relationships prevalent in society today you can never be sure what to expect until you are confronted face to face with a real, live human being! So, you've been emailing each other backwards and forwards, you appreciate his sensitivity and sense of humour and he seems like a really nice guy ... until you meet in the real world there is no way of knowing how honest and real your guy actually is.

We need to strip away the defence mechanisms of the average male. Let's just say that you have finally been asked out on a date (or, in today's world, asked him out on a date), what can you expect? It is at this point that we need to look at where and how you have met ... on the Internet? A brief meeting and then correspondence via email or SMS? Perhaps you have actually met through a more traditional methods (pre-www, mobile, email and IM) ... the way you have met will have an infinite bearing on the ultimate question of whether he's a shy guy or just not interested.

Internet Meeting

If you met on the Internet with no prior knowledge of each other then the likelihood is that at least one, if not both of you, are shy OR have been hurt in past relationships and want to tread the waters of dating carefully. Possibly both of you have worded your friends up to have a get out clause (the emergency phone call). Occasionally, if all the stars are aligned, you will hit it off and there will be some common ground that you can both talk about freely without the need to feel insecure. More than likely though, the conversation will be stilted and may not happen at all. If he doesn't call you, email you, IM you or at the very least, leave a personal message on your Facebook the I can guarantee you that he is 100% not interested in you. Even the shyest, most introverted bloke will make contact within a week if he possibly can. If he's stuck on an island with no email or mobile coverage then you could possibly forgive him!

Brief meeting then contact via email, SMS, Facebook.

This is an easy one - any contact after a brief meeting has obviously resulted in some kind of connection. No connection - no contact - simple!

Met through friends, at work or at the local nightclub.

This is another easy one - if you met and he wants to spend some one on one time with you then he is definitely interested. It's up to you to make sure that he is still interested after your date. I'm sorry but I can't help you with that one.

Unfortunately some guys really are after only one thing - if they don't get what they are after they will lose interest pretty quickly. Some guys will try and be forceful and this is a very grey area - try and make sure that you are conscious of your own safety at ALL times. Make sure that someone knows where you are at all times and check in with them when you can. You own gut feel is often your best guide as to whether the object of your affection is the real deal or not! The world of dating is fraught with danger but that is a whole different topic.

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