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Our history gives us an appreciation of both our present and our future. There are even relevant sayings, such as "The child is father of the man", to express the role of the past in determining our present. Presently, the past has a significant influence on my current perspectives and philosophies. However, influence is not control.

Although the word "control" can be used in the sense of "regulate", it has a stronger implication- much like "love" or "hate". To have something or someone controlling me indicates that I am being directed or restrained by an external entity.

So, what does it mean for my past to control my life? It could mean that my memories and history are dictating my pace or restricting me in some manner. In any event, our past is not a force or living being that can take control independent of our will. It can only be allowed to control us or our lives.

The past is the sum of all memories and circumstances; from painful to exhilarating. Like everyone else, I have had very good and very bad experiences, with many scattered along that continuum. Up to a few years ago, I used to let some of my experiences dictate how I responded to people. I relied on my past as a wobbly crutch and thereby allowed it to dictate my social interactions. The sum of my experiences became an excuse for social withdrawal.

One of my favourite tunes was "The living years". The first two lines of that song made me reflect on the effect of circumstances. It made me think about circumstances and responsibility. What if we just continued blaming our history and circumstances throughout life? That's when I decided that I will take ownership of my past. I conceptualised my past as something that influences but not controls me.

In one instance, I stopped allowing negative experiences with people to prevent me from receiving the many good ones that were ahead. I used the mixed package that was my past to rediscover myself and my dreams. Prior to this my past- or at least what I extrapolated from it- prevented me from really blossoming as an individual.

It is true that we must master ourselves before we master anything else. Thankfully, I realised at an early age that control, suppression and repression were inherently different. You may think that you are controlling your past by not addressing it, hiding it or suppressing it. However, suppressed memories or emotions still find a way to dictate how we live. Part of the reason for this is that the control of the past is manifested emotionally and psychologically.

Failing to address our past through unwillingness or inability is at worst detrimental or at best limiting. This applies to the sum of both our good and bad experiences. My unyielding belief is that my past should and would influence me, but it does not control me. I reflect on it to know my strengths and my weakness- to know myself.

Reclaiming your control and power over your life is critical. Just accept the things that you cannot change and change the things that you can (just like the Serenity prayer). Your memories and circumstances could be a reference point for you; a box that you can feel free to dig into without fear.

Taking control of my past surely opened new doors for me and helped me to achieve greater serenity. Just as it is improper and useless to blame the generation before, it's useless to allow your own past to control you.

Learn more about this author, Darrell Victor.
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