by Jon Crosby

Created on: December 02, 2008

Throughout elementary and middle school, I was a human punching bag for every real or perceived playground bully. When I wasn't being physically abused, bullies were busy ridiculing me, taking my lunch money, or subjecting me to some other degrading experience. I vividly recall being forced to give up my lunch money, being spat upon, and having my personal property vandalized. I couldn't wait for Fridays to roll around to "escape" these torments for at least the weekend. Sunday nights began the process of gearing up for Monday's return to school - and another week of hell on earth. I hated school and, worse, began to hate myself.

The few friends I had urged me to report bullying incidents to school officials, or at least inform my parents in order for them to intervene. I feared that reporting the bullying would only result in an escalation. Instead of seeking help from my parents, I hid the bumps and bruises, painted the picture that everything was fine at school, and became more and more a loner.

Looking back years later, I began to analyze why I was consistently the target of bullies. With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight and life experience, several things became apparent. First of all, I projected a total lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. I acted out in ways that made me appear foolish, poked fun at myself, and, generally, came across as weak and vulnerable. These traits were compounded by my sloppy manner of dress and poor grooming.

It wasn't until I entered high school, due largely to a friendship developed with a popular next-door neighbor, that I began to fit in. With his guidance, I learned to carry myself with more self-confidence, act more maturely, and avoid rather than bring on confrontational situations. Moreover, simply being seen in his company at or away from school put me in a whole different light, both with others and myself.

After graduating from college with a degree in education, I found no teaching opportunities available. I become a Police Officer in my home town and, ironically, ended up back at the same middle school I had attended - this time as the School Resource Officer.

With my history of being bullied, I was sensitized to bullying activities in general at the school, and tried to curb it. One particular student caught my eye. He seemed to be a carbon copy of me. He acted out, projected low self-esteem, had no friends, was a poor dresser, and engaged in self ridicule. He was also a human punching bag for the schoolyard bullies.And, like me, he chose not to report it.

I approached school officials, then the young man's parents, seeking permission and support to discreetly intervene in an effort to stop the bullying. I contacted some of the achievers in the school, including student counsel members, athletes, and others who I was already working with on various projects, who I believed could serve as mentors. These students accepted and took real ownership in helping the bullied student. They encouraged him to be part of their groups at lunch, invited him to parties, and generally made him feel accepted. Despite the fact I knew this student was non-athletic, I encouraged him to join a judo class that I was teaching after school in the gym. He ultimately earned a brown belt.

I could not have envisioned a better success story. The bullied student underwent a complete metamorphosis. He began to dress with pride, his self-confidence improved, he became an integral part of the student counsel, and all episodes of bullying ceased.

I am a firm believer in mentoring and cite this as one example of the positive effects it can have.

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