by Megan Buff

Created on: December 01, 2008

My friend stood in the kitchen, staring down the last section of vegetable pot pie. After one small helping, I could still hear her stomach rumbling. Her face revealed conflict do I eat or don't I? She glanced over at the fruit basket, frantically looking for something lower-calorie to satisfy her hunger. Maybe an apple? Still too much. She opened the fridge and pulled out a carrot. That's better. She washed it, shook off the water, and then froze again. She fixed the vegetable with a horrified gaze, as though it had suddenly turned into a rat in her hand. She opened the fridge again and quickly put the carrot away.

My friend, I know, was once anorexic. She is on the road to recovery now, and hopefully will continue that way for the rest of her life. But anorexia didn't mean she never got hungry. It meant she chose not to eat. The word "anorexia" actually means a loss of appetite, though this is nowhere near accurate. Sometimes I wonder if my friend relished her hunger as proof that she was still in control. Unlike us mere mortals, she could withstand the cramping of an empty stomach. She was more powerful than her body.

Anorexia is not about losing one's appetite, or even not wanting to eat. It's a much more complex issue than that. At its core, anorexia is often about self-image and/or control. Therefore, treatment cannot aim to make the anorexic person hungrier, in the hopes that this will make them eat more. Instead, it must focus on the root problem. How can the anorexic person learn to feel better about themselves, regardless of weight? How can she or he exercise needed control over his or her environment without having to micromanage food intake?

At one point, my friend ran up against opposition from some of our other friends. One could not understand why she wouldn't eat "food is just so good," he said. Another tried to convince her to just force herself to eat every day, until eventually it would become habit again. Both these attitudes reflect a lack of understanding. As a matter of fact, both pieces of advice hindered rather than helped. They made my friend feel misunderstood, and forced her deeper into her shell. She became more and more reluctant to talk with anyone about the issue. In truth, no one can step inside an anorexic's head and know what he or she is going through. The most important thing is listening open-mindedly and trying to understand through the other person's eyes.

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