by Randa Morris

Created on: December 01, 2008

As someone with a lot of experience in the work world, I have seen a lot of people lose their jobs in my time. Doesn't it seem like whenever someone that you work with is fired, it rarely comes as a surprise to anyone else? And yet, for some reason, it almost never fails to happen that the terminated employee is both shocked, and outraged. "Can you believe they FIRED ME ?!?" It seems there are quite a few people in the working world, who really have no clue about how to lose a job. So, for those who are at a loss, here are some helpful tips, gained through years of real life experience in watching others lose their jobs:

1. Come to work stoned, or drunk, whichever you prefer. If your boss questions you about your condition scream profanities, and insults at him. (This method works best if, after the boss tells you that you are fired, you refuse to leave until the cops are called to take you away.)

2. Open your own e-bay business, selling the goods that you are stealing from work. Make sure you pass out your business cards in the office.

3. Best excuse for missing work "Well, I thought I called in sick. I was dreaming that I did..."

4. Come to work at least an hour late, every single day. When you are issued a warning, you should reply with "You can't fire me, as long as I call to tell you I'm going to be late." (Telling your boss that she can't fire you seems to be a pretty good way to ensure getting fired.)

5. Call your boss at home, at 3:00 am. Let him know you've been arrested, and you need him to come bail you out of jail.

6. If you are lucky enough to have a company vehicle, use it transport weapons and drugs across state lines. Be sure to turn in milage, and charge your gas to the company credit card. It helps if you work in Ohio and manage to get arrested in your company vehicle, in Texas. Let your boss know right away that you're hoping to get out of jail, on work release.

7. Dress inappropriately for whatever job you are doing. Great examples, if you are working in an office environment wear ratty jeans, and a ripped tee shirt. If you work in construction, wear a tuxedo, or at the least, an executive style business suit. If you work in a place where a uniform is required, when they give it to you just say "Oh, I like my own clothes better. But thanks." Be sure to smile sweetly.

8. Get into a knock down, drag out fight with another employee. End up wrestling around the floor, in front of at least 15 customers, or potential clients.

Other great ways to lose your job:

- Call in sick a lot. Be sure to do this on days when the boss is really depending on you.

- Be rude and argumentative as often as possible.

- Refuse to take direction, or to be corrected.

- Instead of following company policy, do everything "your way" because you know it's better.

Learn more about this author, Randa Morris.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.