by Cyndi Li

Created on: December 01, 2008   Last Updated: May 11, 2009

Once only thought to affect a person afflicted with alcoholism or a drug addiction, co-dependency is now known to have the potential to affect any person raised in a dysfunctional family setting. But, what is co-dependency and how does it relate to parenting?

People suffering from co-dependency are "The Fixers" of everyone else's problems. In order to feel needed, wanted or worthy they have to be in the midst of some sort of turmoil they've convince themselves can only be rectified through their own personal intervention; they see themselves as martyrs. They see themselves as caregivers, but fail to recognize when the role becomes a compulsion and self-defeating.

Here are a few character traits a co-dependent person may exhibit. This list is not all-inclusive.

They feel responsible for the actions of others; especially those close to them.

They take on an enormous amount of responsibility; even when it's not theirs.

They become easily hurt when their efforts are not recognized by others.

They have an exaggerated need for approval.

They are not assertive by nature.

They have a hard time adjusting to change of any kind.

They have a great fear of being abandoned and will do anything to maintain a relationship.

They find saying "no" to anyone, hard.

Because a co-dependent person has no sense of personal identity they think of the other person and never consider how their actions affect themselves as an individual. Their identity is derived from their attempt to "rescue" those around them. As such, they do not develop emotionally. This will lead to long-term severe ramifications both to themselves and those they try to rescue.

EFFECTS ON THE "RESCUER"

Because the rescuer never learns to deal with their own feelings, desires or needs they go into survival mode. This can mean different things to different co-dependent people.

They minimize any attempts by others to talk with them about their own troubles or feelings. "Oh I'm fine. Sure it was hard, but life is hard anyways right? It's no big deal."

They refuse to address any issue that casts even the slightest shadow over them. "If you want to talk about someone who needs a few lessons in manners you should take a look at what's-his-name."

They survive by turning the attention on other people and their problems, and then attempt to fix those problems as a way to gain approval from others. "What's-his-name is spending all his money on booze each week, and his landlord keeps asking him where the rent

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