by Antonia Sage

Created on: November 30, 2008

I write this while preparing to pack for a trip I will make tomorrow, leaving home in the wee hours of the morning to catch an early morning flight to travel east. When I return on Thursday evening, I hope to find my daughter awake, so I can read her a book and tuck her in. There are no guarantees. It's a weekday, and she needs to be in bed early.

Balancing work with motherhood is at once universal and unique; each working mom walks this tightrope in different circumstances, which include work conditions, life stage, family support available, and the number of children to parent. This much I can say: it is never easy.

Playing the mom card at work, for this reason, has to be weighed against playing the work card at home. In an ideal world, the two can be discrete; in the experienced world, they are not. Work spills as easily into personal time as family does, into work time. My work requires me to travel during personal time. This intrusion occurs in a matter-of-fact way, and I comply without a murmur of complaint. Yet, when it comes to cutting a day (or trip) short on account of a family necessity (PTA meetings, doctor appointments, even birthdays), it is not as matter-of-fact. I have to prepare my supervisor weeks in advance, ensure the week's deliverables arrive early, and be available on call during the time away. Working moms often work as hard on maintaining their reputation of "as reliable as others" as they do at their jobs.

This troubling notion - that work is somehow more legitimate an interrupter than parenting - represents a consciousness out of step with social changes. Working moms are an integral part of the workforce, and many of them are single, handling twice the parenting responsibility. Being primary caregivers means they may also have to take unscheduled time away. Unsupportive workplaces neither serve their own purpose (the talent pool will shrink if mothers exit the workforce) nor the coming generations (which may be raised in constrained resources because mothers were unable to be economically productive).

Will some of these privileges be abused? Absolutely - like other privileges at work. There will always be some outliers who act irresponsibly. For them, workplaces have to develop controls, just as they do for all other irresponsible employees. As America ages, it will have to dig deeper into its reserves of talent to stay competitive in a borderless world. For every mother who drops out of the workforce unable to cope with unrealistic expectations, a job may open up in a developing country for want of talent in America. Followed by a corresponding flight of wealth and opportunity.

Going mom-friendly is somewhat like going green. It isn't an option anymore.

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