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Love or lust. Such a difficult decision but honestly, time will tell. Love is something that builds; as much as we want to believe in love at first sight, it is much more than that. When you are first attracted to a person there is a phenomena called limerance. This is a psychological and physical phenominon that first binds two people together. It is a form of love, but it is a preliminary form. What happens after the limerance is what is important.

Let's face it. When you are first with a person you are really attracted to, they can do no wrong. The sun, moon and Earth revolves around them. You do silly things: milk goes in the cupboard, sugar goes in the fridge. You have a date with them and before you know it, it's 3 a.m. You spend a fortune on telephone bills and your whole day revolves around the last thing they said or did or on when you see them again. Life is good.

If you are with them long enough - six months or so usually - cracks in the armour appear. This is where limerance disappears and you really do fall in love or everything falls apart. Why? Well, that's the point they become human. You meet their family, you meet their friends, you see where they live, and you discover their habits. That little habit of forgetting to flush the toilet can be cute in the first flush of romance; be with them long enough and it can become disgusting.

You learn that as amazing as they are, when they are with their family or friends or either, they are a different person. You find out they love to work ridiculous hours or they have hobbies that are all-consuming like a love of a sport you can't stand. Cracks appears. You think, if only they didn't....

Stop right there. How important is that "if only"? Is it a minor thing or is it something you really can't stand? Are they wonderful but you they have kids and an ex that are really annoying? Do you want children and they don't? Do you like to go out with friends but they don't? Any of these are deal breakers. Eventually the thrill of knowing this person will wear off and life will rear its ugly head. Either you will live with it, or, if you can't stand it, you'll find it really hard. Fundamental things you can't change aren't worth trying to change, no matter how great the person is. If it's something you can handle, then that's just the reality of dealing with a different person.

In the end, after the limerance is when you truly know whether it is lust or love. When you see the person for who they really are and they're still adorable and you want to be with them, yay, you've found it. If not, well, it was a lovely discovery and it's time to move on.

Learn more about this author, Catherine M. Harris.
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