by Elaine Sihera

Created on: November 29, 2008

THREE Key Reasons NOT to go into a Relationship.

Many people go into relationships with all the best intentions in the world then wonder why they still fail. This is because the dynamics of two people getting together follow certain patterns or trends, despite each person being unique. If those trends are not spotted and understood, we tend to keep repeating them over and over again.

The following reasons are the biggest culprits of short-lived relationships and should deter anyone from rushing in without thinking:

1. "Because I feel lonely."
That's the worst time to hitch up with someone else. We came into this world on our own and we leave it alone too. It means that for 24/7 we are going to have to get used to the person inside our heads and our bodies. If we cannot stand our own company for any length of time, no one else will find it attractive either. The first law of any successful relationship is for both parties to happy with themselves, feel happy with their bodies, to enjoy that solitude of being alone at times. For you to work out what makes you tick as a person so that you can spot what suits you a mile off. When you don't know who you are, don't know what makes you happy or unhappy and dread spending time on your own, that won't be endearing to anyone else. In fact, you are likely to miss what really makes you happy when you focus on others instead of yourself.

It is quite fine to feel lonely on odd occasions when we desire the company of someone else around us. Nothing wrong with that. But if we love company than we love ourselves, or feel lonely all the time that we are alone, there is an inadequacy within us which no one else can fill, no matter how they might try. It means that whenever that person is not there we will always feel lonely within ourselves and miss them even more. We should go into a relationship because we genuinely love that person and desire their company in our lives, not because we feel lonely.

2. "Because he/she loves me."
No, no. no. no, no! If you are going into a relationship mainly because someone else loves you and it makes you feel good, but you don't love yourself either, that will be a short relationship in the making. A key part of the first law of relationships is that each person LOVES themself. When you both bring 100% self love to the equation, you are more likely to bring 100% respect, affirmation and appreciation too. There are many couples who primarily depend on each another for love and affection. That's fine

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