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Forgiveness-The Gift You Give Yourself

Many people seem to have a misunderstanding about what it really means to forgive someone for a wrong done to them. This article will explore a little bit about what forgiveness is and the reasons why forgiveness is important.

The first thing I want to point out is what is, to me, the most important part about forgiveness - that forgiveness is NOT a gift you give to another, but rather something you do inside of yourself, for yourself. The other person need never know. You can choose to extend forgiveness to the other person, if that is your choice, but it is not necessary in order to forgive inside of yourself and heal the pain you carry for a wrong another has done to you or that has affected you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation - nor does it mean you have to allow a behavior that can hurt you to continue to hurt you. Forgiveness is, in essence, the acknowledgment inside of yourself that the person who has wronged you in some way is a fallible human being - and that, like a human being, they made a mistake worthy of your forgiveness.

Now, I believe everyone deserves forgiveness inside of themselves, because to hold on to old wounds defeats you as a person. It closes off a part of your heart and self that you cannot give to anyone else as long as you hang on to the anger and bitterness that remains in you when you do not forgive. However, I do not believe the other party who has wronged you always deserves that forgiveness to be extended to them. And many times, they do not deserve reconciliation.

Forgiveness doesn't come automatically - but the party who wronged you does not have to ask for forgiveness for you to give it. The party who wronged you doesn't even have to admit they made a mistake or did anything that requires forgiving. The party who wronged you doesn't even have to make amends in order for you to forgive them. Remember, forgiveness is not a gift you give to another, but rather something you do inside of yourself - for yourself.

Forgiveness IS a choice - you have to choose to forgive and let go of the pain.

Reconciliation and forgiveness are two separate things - they are not mutually exclusive. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to reconcile with that person. If the other person has wronged you so severely that you simply could not trust to allow this person in your life in any capacity - reconciliation is not possible, but forgiveness is.

Forgiving doesn't mean opening yourself back up to be hurt

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