by Jack Junier

Created on: November 29, 2008

Many offices have rules about interoffice romance, and for good reason. If your office isn't one of them, or if you haven't yet had the chance to implement those procedures when a relationship breaks apart, you may find yourself dealing with some unpleasant conflict. When personal relatinships go sour, the fallout can spread over an entire department - or worse, and entire office.

While you absolutely must take a sympathetic approach with the people involved, you also need to draw your line and stick with it. Here are some tips on managing people who can't leave their personal business at the door:

* Individual Meetings

It automatically becomes a time-consuming prospect when managed this way, but it's far better than the alternative. Deal with the two people together, and you'll very likely get some insight into what marriage counselors see every time they meet with a new couple for the first time. Take your employees individually, in back-to-back meetings. It's important not to let time pass between your conversation with each half of the soured relationship; delays may fuel the backbiting fire.

* Stay Neutral

Meetings like this have the potential to turn into childish "he started it!" finger-pointing sessions. Don't allow this to happen. He may very well have started it, but you're finishing it. It's not up to you to take sides and resolve their disputes - you're a manager, not a relationship counselor. Don't offer your support to either employee, because it will only fan the already-growing flames.

* What They're Doing

This is not to say you should lecture them about individual aspects of their behavior - they know they're fighting. Rather, the effect of their actions on the rest of the office need to be explained. Are public arguments making co-workers uncomfortable? Are they killing productivity when people bring out the bowl of popcorn to watch the drama unfold? Enlighten your employees about the negative effects their behavior is having on the rest of the office.

* Outline the Consequences

You've explained how their personal spillage is bringing down the office. Now let them know what will happen to them if they can't grow up. If it's not painfully clear to them by this point in the conversation that they're acting like children, a not-so-subtle hint at this point would be entirely welcome. Explain to them that if they can't conduct themselves in a reasonable, professional, adult manner while in the office, further disciplinary steps will be taken. If you're addressing a particularly nasty scene they've caused, let them know that if they let things get that out of hand again they'll be fired.

* Follow Through

Use your best judgment after you've had these meetings. If it's clear that one person is continually picking at the other, who seems to have taken your advice to heart and wants nothing more than to work professionally, follow up with only one side. If they both continue trading barb for barb, meet with them both again. If serious antagonism and blowups continue, it's time to fire one or both of them. While they may be excellent employees, so are those who are constantly distracted by their workplace battles.

Of all the behavioral issues you might have with staff, this is one that you need to nip in the bud immediately. Follow these steps, and be prepared to "break up" with these employees yourself if they can't keep it in check.

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