by Tina Hartley

Created on: November 29, 2008

Are the terrible twos really so terrible? They can be difficult but understanding this developmental stage can help you and your toddler get through it. The transition between the needy baby and the independent child is happening in fits and starts in a toddler. He or she is stretching and growing right before your eyes but an impromptu run back to home base can happen at any moment. They are driven to explore, yet the majority of toddlers need to feel that comfort is close by.

Children have their own unique personalities. One child may be at the other end of the spectrum from an older sibling. The more natural adventurer may not need the same level of assurance that a toddler with a more timid nature needs. Whatever the natural inclinations of a particular child are, he or she has an uncontrollable urge to learn and explore.

It's important to understand the terrible twos are like any other developmental milestone; there is no definite age for this stage. Some children hit the terrible twos before their second birthday, others closer to their third birthday, or somewhere in between. The most common complaint heard from parents during the terrible twos is defiance. A toddler's seeming defiant nature is he or she trying to come to grips with their own emotions.

The terrible twos are fraught with emotion. It isn't just the world around them that is being explored. The inner space is under construction also. A toddler is learning about cause and effect. He or she is exercising their control upon their world. Communication skills are not developing nearly as quickly as the mind is absorbing and frustration sets in quickly when you don't understand what they are trying to tell you.

There are ways to help ease the growing pains of this developmental stage for your little person as well as yourself.

* Limit choices

It is healthy for a toddler to begin to learn how to make choices but if you give too long a list of options it become confusing and increase frustration levels for both of you.

* Keep a routine

Established routines can aid in keeping your toddler's attention focused and help both of you feel more in control. Plus there is the added bonus of creating good habits to last a lifetime.

* Be consistent

It is perfectly normal for a child of any age to test the limits set for them. Toddlers are testing everything. Consistent limits help a toddler to feel more secure. Knowing that something is off limits doesn't stop a toddler from testing that boundary but often the test is only a token.

* Don't engage in a battle of wills

There is little sense in demanding cooperation from a two or three year old child. Be firm and move on. Chances are your toddler will follow your lead. If he or she is in the throes of a temper tantrum a time out can give your child a chance to calm down. A battle of wills with a toddler is a lose, lose situation. In the words of Ann Marie
Dwyer, "never argue with a toddler".

Learn more about this author, Tina Hartley.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.