by D. Victor

Created on: November 28, 2008   Last Updated: December 31, 2009

A "draining" friend typically refers to one who de-energizes you mentally or emotionally. Worse yet, a draining friend or acquaintance might even deplete your pocket! They may have different methods and issues, but their effect is the same. They take your highs and convert it to lows. They obliterate the effects of your feel-good chemicals and replace it with stress hormones.

You might initially feel guilty or selfish about feeling drained and wishing that the person would carry their miseries or burdens elsewhere. You wish they'd keep their negative life views or their myriad problems to themselves. Still, you may feel guilty about it. The first step to protecting yourself is to acknowledge that there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. You're not necessarily a fair weather friend because of that.

Life is a mixed package and it has its vicissitudes. However, you have to firmly believe that you don't need those who constantly dim the glow of your reality. Real friends will share their highs and lows- but there are highs! The irrepressible drainers offer few highs- just drama, discord and stress. Your attitude must change. A messiah you are not. Find the necessary balance in your friendships and maintain your own equilibrium.

Reclaiming your space is critical to insulating yourself from drainers. You have to set boundaries or enforce these if you set them before. Perhaps it will take a heart-to-heart conversation or a combination of subtle and not-so-subtle hints. You must clearly communicate by word or action that you are not a crutch. Face to face communication is most effective in this context.

Proving yourself to be a no-nonsense individual can also be a deterrent. Some will subscribe to the view that you are what you attract. This is only a half-truth, but you must remember that drainers will attach themselves (like leeches) to those who complement them. They're the parasites and are subconsciously or consciously looking for a host. Make yourself as unattractive to these types by managing your empathy and actively discouraging their trifles.

Not all draining friendships and acquaintance-relationships are beyond repair. However, the undeniable fact is that you must protect yourself, or they'll be transferring their problems to you. While they feel better offloading their burdens, they create problems for you. This is not a mutually beneficial relationship. Just change your perspective on yourself, don't practise being a doormat and set your boundaries clearly. You'll find your tank renewed and brimming instead of near-empty.

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