by SE Mathews

Created on: November 28, 2008

Not so long ago, there was not really a choice in the matter. People got married because they had to and pity the poor spinster who only had cats to live with.

In our society, times have definitely changed in that we have a choice of whether to get married or remain unmarried.

I believe in marriage. I dreamed about it as a girl and I even tried it out too. I hope for a marriage for my son when he is ready, because I hope that he does find the special woman to marry.

In spite of my belief that marriage is a good thing for individuals and for society, I have come to the conclusion that marriage is not for everyone.

I use myself as an example.

I got married at 20 years old. I was divorced by 25. The marriage failed for a host of reasons. Looking back, I know I was too young and I had had my doubts even before the vows were taken. Even though my then-husband was eight years older than I, he was no more mature than I was. We were clueless. Having a child only made our cluelessness more apparent.

Many couples start out the same way and are still able to figure out how to make their marriage work, but in my case, we found that the more we were together, the less we liked each other. He was not a bad person and I was not a bad person but the simple fact is that together, we were not good for each other.

And so we divorced.

He later remarried and now has a child with his second wife. Because his second marriage has been successful, any lingering regrets that I might have had that I had made the wrong decision have long been erased. I know that we did the right thing in our decision to divorce.

As for myself, I have not remarried. I often joke that the reason that I have not remarried is due to my only brother getting married four times. "You've used up all the marriage tokens!" I scold him. "There are none left for me!"

Jokes aside, I have met two men in the post-divorce years who were tempting, but in the end, I couldn't take the bait. After the last man, I wonder if I am mentally built for the institution any more. When a person says, "I have become set in my ways," it isn't always rhetoric. A person does get set in their ways especially when it comes to independence.

When done right, marriage is a blessing. I have seen good examples of marriages in my parents, my aunts and uncles, and two of my cousins. I see how healthy a good marriage is for two people and their families.

Yet, marriage requires flexibility and compromise. As a friend of mine told me, "Getting married is easy.

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