I can't imagine which situation could be worse;
A sudden loss and unexpected departure,
or the fact that we knew you would leave,
and we knew it for months.
Even all these years later, I still can't process it.
I still can't believe I can't talk to you anymore.
How unfair, for us to lose you
How unfair, for you to never see your grandchildren
My mannerisms remind mother of you
It brings her relief,
and helps heal her heart.
I'm thankful she has that,
but sad because she's still alone.
I've been spending years trying to get over this,
to no avail but a warmer heart.
I'm much more thankful for the important things in life,
but sorry it was under these morbid terms.
The music, at times, could sadden me more,
but I've learned to use it as a tool of joy instead.
There's no way to replace you or what you meant to us,
but at least we have our ways of dealing now.
Perhaps some day I'll feel like you're proud,
but I'll never know until we meet again.
For years your death was all I could think about.
Now, it's mine.
Not that I wish to leave early, I don't.
I'm only looking forward to our reunion,
I'm just looking forward to seeing you again,
and so is mom.