by Bill Steele

Created on: November 27, 2008

Britain's relative decline since the 1950's has been blamed on poor parenting, leading to feral children, violence in schools, and recent spates of knife crime and gang violence on the streets of London. Certainly there have been significant changes in the other two traditional pillars of civilization in the upbringing of children - schools and churches - and it is fair to say that governments are not supporting marriage and the family in the way that they should.

However, the most important influence on children remains the family, Much of the decline in the family has also been blamed on inadequate or absentee fathers. For the first years of life parents are the means whereby the child finds out about people and about life. Schools are necessarily an artificial environment, but parents live in the real world.

Especially fathers. Much has been written, correctly, about the importance of mothers in caring, nurturing, loving their children. But the role of fathers should not be undervalued. There are many mothers, single due to mistakes or misfortune, who do well, or as well as they can, by their children, but most would admit that they would prefer to have a father with them.

ROLE MODEL

Fathers are an essential role model for their children. Boys learn through their father's example how to deal with the outside world, how to channel aggression constructively, how to treat women, and what it means to be a man. by observing that example, boys can later define themselves by adopting (or avoiding) what they have seen. For girls it is also an important example as to what they can expect from men.

PROVIDER

Economic circumstances force many mothers out to work too, but it is still normal that the main breadwinner is the father. Many mothers would rather stay home to care for their children, and the lucky few who can generally do. This is a man's role as spouse as well as father, and clearly a critical one.

DISCIPLINE

It can be very hard to keep control of the children, especially teenagers, and especially when they outnumber you. There comes a time when control can be given up - when the child can handle the freedom - but until then families need a figure of authority; which does not depend on physical strength, but an implied threat is sometimes useful. It's useful to be able to identify the time when the child can take control, as well, and for that kind of question its useful to have a second opinion.

Fathers love their children too. Loving and caring is not the sole prerogative of mothers.

So fathers need wisdom, perseverance, patience, durability. But it is tremendously satisfying when you get it right, and it is the most important job you will ever do.

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