by Bill Steele

Created on: November 27, 2008   Last Updated: September 28, 2011

We are an online family; my wife and I were online before the kids were. At the same time, the kids are far more fascinated by new technology than we are, so they can teach us how to use some of the new gadgets or software. They love it when they know something we don't.

Many of us have a picture in our minds when family life was better. The family came together at the end of the day, possibly over dinner, and shred each other's days, discussed their respective activities and discoveries. this actually still works, although the talking may be around the computer, or even in front of the TV. The important part is talking and sharing. this means being interested in them and their lives, on-line and offline, and not treating the on-line world with suspicion, as something alien and frightening.

For us computers are tools, which enable us to do things which would have taken much longer using older technology. But what they do is not really very different. Even social networking sites such as myspace and facebook simply replace what I used to do - getting together with mates round the back of the bikeshed, or on the old railway line, to swap stories, photographs and gossip. the fact that teens are doing it in the safety of their own home could be seen as an improvement. They aren't sharing beer cans or swapping cigarettes.

One difference is the fact that information on facebook is available much more widely, and much more permanently. We do battle about that. Usually we need to negotiate item by item - I have negotiated the removal from facebook and bebo of a variety of potentially embarrassing facts, anecdotes and photographs.

I find if you stay connected with them - which means being interested and involved in their lives - it is possible to encourage them to be involved in things other than the virtual world. My boys enjoy live music-making, amateur theatre, sport, and real travel, and real chat with real people, so they don't have too much time for just chatting on MSN.

In the end, in the computer age, teens are the same as they have always been, and to be a parent is as challenging, difficult, time-consuming and as satisfying as ever. Parents need to connect with their teens. It's just that as the kids get older, the more they become aware of the world around them - a process greatly assisted by computers and Internet - and the more they think they know and understand it. that way their emotional and existential confusion gets greater, and it becomes more difficult to make and keep that connection. The main thing is to keep talking, and to try to avoid the conversation becoming a list of do's and don'ts, or a catalogue of advice. Shouted advice is particularly unwelcome, especially when endlessly repeated. Being involved in the on-line world helps maintain credibility, although you will never completely avoid the accusation of being "out of touch"!.

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